Why Lie

(tune of the day is by DJ Spectrum. Its called "Dont Fuk". Got this one on vynl. Nice little relaxing numba. And I need it right now)

Didn't think I was gonna be able to play today but realised I still had $3.55 in Crypto. Must have left it coz it were'nt enough to play cash. Stuck it into a £1 Sng and won it for £5. I know I'm good at Sng's but am totally hooked on cash atm. Especially with it being the last day of the month for rakeback. Sat down with my fortune of $10 against 5 other people, and 3 of them were multi tabling. I've usually got an edge against these dudes at these stakes (15c/25c). Easy to knock the multi players off the pot, grinding at the blinds (its sad I know).

So this dude who I have notes on as "drunk to much" (single tabler, seems a bit like me), keeps rasing 5bbs just like I do when I'm hammered. I called him down with 10s and he put me allin on a K high board. Had to call and doubled up. He had A8 I think.

Lost it straight back to him on next hand when my 9s were no good on a 8 high flop and he rivered a J. Not sure if I started to tilt then. Was contemplating the meaning of tilt. Someone asked BlueScouse what he thought tilt meant and he had a very good answer. In my opinion its when you shout "Mother F*#ker!" at the screen and cant calm down afterwards.

I did calm down tho and felt the need for a big raise utg with QQ. I was trying to play it safe (or so I thought. Turned it into 75o) coz I was enjoying the game and dont like Qs much (40c would have done me fine). Got one caller. Flop 33A. 2 clubs (I have one). Bet $1, flat called. Turn K clubs. Check Check. River 5 clubs. Giving me the nut flush. I jam allin coz he has me wey covered and I hope he thinks I'm bluffing. He calls with A3o. Son of a C*#NT!!! Totally wiped me out. Spose he could have had AA tho and that would've been my bad.

Oh well. Get my rackybacky tomoz. It aint as much as I thought coz I didnt double it but its still enough to play. And I'm off for me four day weekend (love my job right now), have my rent paid, and got me weeks wages to burn!!! The stakes are goin up pritty soon!

Put It In Cider!!!!

Away With The Pixies

(tune of the day by FilthyDirtyBitch, called Hue you fink. A nice little junglist, drumbase rinceout. Bit experimental. Enjoy)

I really lost it this time. Went on an alldayer on Friday. Downed over 6 litres of the good stuff and passed out round a mates house. They woke me up coz we were sposed to be going clubbing, but as I didnt have any money I thought it would be a better idea to go home and play some poker. Good call Monk! You twat!

Managed to rince out my whole stack and didnt even go near $1/$2. $25 buyin on 10c/20c and made it up to $45. Dont know what I was thinking but I decided to announce that I was allin on the next hand. This dude said he would call, but he lied. Anyway I had 77 luckilly and jammed it. Got called by AA who had me covered. I managed to hit a 7 and took down a sick $90 pot. Still downing the cider and theres no way I'm stopping here. Lost $30 to the same dude in a similar fashion when my 99 got beat by his 10s. Really playing mickey mouse poker now.

Ended up donking off the rest of my stack on hands I cant even remember. Had to reload $25. Was so drunk by now that I'm having trouble clicking the buttons. This dude went allin with top pair A kicker on the flop and I accidently clicked call instead of fold and caught runner runner str8. Lovely.

Anyway there was not much real poker to talk bout really. Basically I was away with the pixies and spent 5 hours donking off my stack. Gutted in the morning. Woke up for work and had one of thee worst hangovers ever. No breakfast just vomitus, and staggered to work with a serious case of the shakes.(at least I didnt call in sick like my mate did, so kinda made my money back in a retrospective sense). Just got back home now after a very hard night and was amazed to find 2 pints of Cyder in the fridge. Oh man that tastes sweet! Offee still not open for an hour. Dont think I have any money left now anyway. If do its going into BluSq for some desperado rince out business. Thank god for rakeback. Get my rakeback on Tuesday so that will put me str8 back in the driving seat. Yes Yes!

Put It In Cyder!!!

Read it and weep

Yeah I put that desperate £10 into BluSq and guess what? After 6 litres of very strong Cyder, I totally rinced those bitches. Started with $19 odd. And ended up with $58.86. Yes Yes. Didnt hit my target of $80 to break even but sod it, this will do. Had to stop playing when I finished my 2nd 3 litre bottle of 7.5% coz I dont know what to do when I aint got no booze. Anyway I is well wasted atm and only $20 down for the day now. which is a lot better than the last post. Just wish I could get my money out quicker than 3 days coz the electric is running out soon. Who cares about that anyway? One for the ~DrunkenMonk this time I think. I was well down and gutted. It took me nearly 4 hours to get some money back but I did it. Drunk as a skunk. Nearly trippled up what I put in so its all good. Might have to have one off the wrist now. 2HandShandy f'king smacked it!#

Put It In Cyder!!!

• Post Post

Forgot to mention a totally sick hand which was played in true DrunkenMonk stlye. I had just anounced to the table that I was only playing these micro stakes coz I had just busted $200 playing $1/$2 and was pissed out of my head (one of the sly Monk tricks). And I was gonna take out all the filthy fishes. Got caught at it several times with some rediculus preflop raises and this dude was slagging me off. Cant remember the exact banter but I pulled him up on some really bad plays he made, and cussed him to the ground. Its not long before I get 45o utg and raise to $1.25 (10c/20c table). All fold down to him in BB. He flat calls. Flop J74 rainbow. He checks. I bet $2. He calls. Turn K. He bets $2, I raise to $4, he calls. River is another K. He bets $5. I dont think he's got it. He's just pissed off with some of the shit I'm comming out with. So I reraise to $10 to knock him off the pot. He flat calls me! to show AQo and I take down a bumpa $35 pot with 45o. OMFG! The DrunkenMonk Staggers On!

Pissed Off With This Shit!!!!

Had enough of this shit now. £30 down and it was soul destroying how I lost it. Bad Beat after Bad Beat but I was determined not to go on drunken tilt like I usually do. Amasingly I didn't and kept well diciplined but Jesus Christ, did I get done over? I got totally f#*'ed!!!!

I'm having touble to write this coz I'm so pissed off. Ffs!

This has gotta be quick. I really couldnt afford to lose that so I might stick some more in out of pure outrageous desperation.

A9 flop 496 ra ra ra turn 9. Allin. River K. He has 44. Ok that was not a bad beat but it took my whole £10 out of Crypto.

Went to BluSq coz if I win I can get my money out quicker. £10. AA busted allin on a flop J29. By runner runner srtaight for my whole stack.

Reload £10 and get done by some bitch on a $40 stack. Got KK utfg and raise to 5 times the BB which is unusualy aggressive(and stupid with a hand like that) for me. Get called by this bitch. Flop is J high with 2 diamonds so I jam. Bitch calls me with A2 diamonds and hits her diamond,.

Bloodclaat!!!

Never been this mad at poker in my life. I've messed it up propper this time. That money was for food and electricity. If you dont hear from me for a while its coz I'm sitting in the dark.

Gonna put another £10 back into BluSq coz I aint havin this shit!

Splat

(Tune of the day: Ely Muff: Blair Bitch Project.Wicked Jungle Gabba rince-out. The pic is of a place I stayed a couple years back in Florida. It was actually a hostel behind the two towers but we used to blag our way in to their swimimg pool. It helps to be British, they believe anything. This place was residence to the likes of Oprah Winfrey and Tommy Hill Figure. Even managed to get a free courtesy car to the airport. Touch. Man that was a sick holiday. Got totally wasted evey day for 3 months. Except one day when I think I might have had alcohol poisoning. Only lasted a day tho. Really do miss eating steak every day. I dream about it.)

Bloodclaat! Rinced out me whole roll. Good job Romper got me to take out £20. You were right mate I busted the lot. Went up and down like mad on cash. It payed for a couple £2 multis but I didn't do to well in them. This usually means I'm in the mind set to play cash. Must admit tho it was a mistake playing at all yesterday coz I had earlier told a mate I wasn't in the mode for poker. That soon changed after 3 litres of Cider. Managed to get my stack from $20 to $45. Then I lost a $40 pot with top two pair. I jam and get call by a bumboclaat straight draw who connects on the river. Son of a chi-chi man!

I sort of lost it after that. Was way too drunk and didnt have the patience to wait for good cards. Ended up reloading and busting that too. Oh well. Put in £10 took out £20 so its not all bad. Today is another day.

Put It In Cyder!!!

Romper

Right this post is dedicated to da man like Romper who apparently reads this shit every day and has not listened to any of my "tune of the day"s. Fair enough he's a poker head and just wants to laugh at the bad beat rants, but this dude is also a gabba head like me! My first attempt at multi media went really bad trying to upload utube stuff, which didnt work 2nd time round, so I gave up on that and just do "tune of the day". To hear the "tune of the day" u have to click or double click the little square with no picture in it (I dont do them every day so f~*k off!). It might take a little while to load but dont worry there's no viruses coz its my mates website, they are trying to sell their seemingly unusual vynl. Wot happens next is u get redirected to their mp3 player. Then u can hear the tune and u have to open another, seperate internet window to come back to my blog and the tune will still be playing. OK I can see a reason why even my best friends havn't even heard my "tune of the day" yet. I have some major technospasticalities which have not been ironed out yet. F#*k it dey work in my phones!

No need for Jamaican Patios today coz I totally rinced out. (So Far). Gave up on the idea of multi tabling coz that was a shit idea. Put all $20 on 15c/25c 10 seater, full. Had to wait half hour to get in and was pritty sober so clocked the spankers.(6:30am on crypto). Waited the whole round for my blind and developed a solid tight table image after that. Won some nice pots then I got these:

Monk on A4s (clubs) BB min raised from late, fold to me.(very tight table) . I'm on $27 ish. I raise to $1. Dude calls. Flop AQ4 two spades. Bit worried bout de flush draw so make it $3. He calls. Turn Kd. chek chek.(he must have thought he would win here) River is the ace of spades. I bet $1 hoping he has the nut flush. He reraised me to $5 and I jam allin. He calls for his $17.50 showing KJ spades. Lovely

Next big one was a lovely flop the nut flush. A9 and get it. Fold to the river and some dude thinks his pair Js is good enough to go allin. Poetry. $19.50 pot on that one.

Anyway got it up to $65 and was gettin very drunk. Blew a load chasing 33 and I knew he had aces. Bloodclaat play. Then blew 20 jancrow dollas with an allin bluff on a J high board when he had QQ. Knew he had me beat too but couldnt resist. Took me nearly 2 hours to get it back up to a respectable level, where I cashed my bumpa $20 bonus and hit $95 ish.

Den dat slag named Romper showed up. Played lots of live games with him round his house, just for fun. Its not about the money its about being the superior player with friends games. I've always come back a better poker player on the net afterwoulds as well. So I played him heads up $3/$6. and lost about $40. Seriously? Nah its kool. I owe him dat for de last one.
You're still a slag tho Romper and you know I'll beat you hu anytime!!!!!

$45 up for the day!

Back for some more drunkenpoker now

Put It In Cyder!!!

I is gon ride da beenie!

It has been brought to my attention that gratuitous use of "bad langugage" as deemed by the Oxford English Dictionary may result in termination of my blog. Knowing full well that I am about to embark on a long, hard, alcohol fuelled week of poker which will in no doubt result in many drunken bad beat rants. I have decided as of today that all my drunken expletives shall be translated into Jamaican Patios henceforth drawing from my most enjoyable squating experieces around London.

But a wha di rass? Bumboclaat! Dutty eediat fassyholes. Fyah fi yu! Guh labbajuice yu gal! Jinnal licky-licky pussyclaat. Nah ramp wid mi! Gunkona.

With this in mind I've decided to put $20 into Crpyto. Still havent made my bonus yet and get 40% rake back if I can double my rake in the next few days. How hard can that be?

Gonna multi table cash, 4 tables with $5 on each. Hopefully this will stop my drunken moves getting out of hand. At least I'll probably get too confused to play weak hand. Amitiville check fold city here I come!

South West Side AIII!

Heres how it is

Been off the booze for well over 72 hours now and I think that is wey long enuff! I reallize I was crying into my posts a bit over the last week and have edited some of the rude words (mainly in case my Mum finds out about it and reads it. She would be so worried if she thought I had actually been "f*#'*d in the ass!"). Also I think it was the level of alcohol I was consuming that messed me up a bit (good weather and all. Havent mentioned the Polish bird sucking my finger yet but maybe will in a later post.)

I know I do play some really good poker when I'm drunk and can hold it down. Last week was crazy tho. Was up for 48hours in one sesh, purely fuelled by alcohol. I think it's the toxic buildup in the system which causes one's heart to shut down, thus triggering adrenaline, which wakes one up a bit. wot wot. (you havent drunk yourself sober coz you're totally off your tits mate!)

Anyway I've been looking at my play. I did have some very bad luck but this was undoughtedly maximized by my aggressive drunken stlye at the table. I've been deliberatley winding players up, to go allin on the flop tourny style with a good hand, making it a coin flip in most instances. e.g. Look at the hand I raised to $8 in the dark. I had been at it for ages and was willing to sacrifice this one just to hammer it home I was at it, then double up when I get it. (Even this was mad. $8 is nearly an hours wages for me). So I cant be too suprised when my AJo on a AJd9d flop, push allin, gets called by 10d9d. Who has double my stack. He probably just wanted me off the table at anyway. Why did I risk my whole stack too?

Oh well, some lessons learnened I think. Mainly, if I'm gonna play like a maniac, do it at a level my b/r can justify and not clean out everything on one hand.

Deffinetly gonna start slammin the tourneys this week. Loads of fun and loads of money. Bring it!

And Never Forget To Put It In Cider!!!

Bit Much

(Tune of the day by Tantrum: Very Cheap.)

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OMG! Some psycho has thrown all my booze down the sink and the offee aint open for 5hours! Noooooooo!!!!!!!

Cold Turkey

Jesus its time for work again tonight. Been felling really rough today, so bad I couldn't sleep. I've been on the piss for 10 days solid now and its starting to take its toll. A kind of self inflicted personal hell. Not least with the poker. Worked out I'm £60 down for the week. Did have some bad beats but I think my main losses came from moronic drunken play. Not goin to London now coz I couldn't get time off work and the game is on Sunday. At least I can write off my losses against this.

Not sure when I'll be playing again, but I have to stop drinking if I want to stay alive. Lost a good friend to liver failure a couple years back. He was the same age as me and wasnt drinking a lot more than I am now. So I'm gonna do it the sick boy method. I know I'm gonna be clucking for a drink when I finish work so I've poored 2litres down the drain. This is gonna be hard but its something I've got to do. Just hope I can make it thrugh the first week.

UnBelievable!

(pic is from a hench Headfuk party in London a few years back. AVITT!!!!)(Tune of the day: Once again Automatic Preditor by Ely Muff. Cant get enough of this tune.)

ffs! Played 50c/$1 on BluSq. Started with $20 and got it up to $75. Got dealt 66 in mid and raised it to $2 BB flat calls. Flop 67K. 2 hearts. He's on a $125 stack and I aint messing around so jam the wedge. He calls with KK. Son of a ****! Put another $20 back into the same table and got it up to $47.50 then busted the whole bloody lot QQ vs AJ on a 10,2,5 rainbow flop. Turn is a Ace and river is a rag. Bad luck streak is getting worse atm. Have $8.45 left and I'm gonna play some boom or bust now.

Asbolutely Wasted!!!

(This one was a fat crossbones party. Jim Bones you are a legend and you know it!!!)

Right so hows the poker? Got asbolutely annialated on 50c/$1 after putting £20 into BluSq. Had to move down to 25c/50c and got buggered there too, Had $9.25 left and played a 6 seater 10c./20c jobbie. Asbolutely rinced those bitches! Got my stack up to $63.55. Booyakasha!

Its 7:30am so time for bed now.

Painfully Sick

It just gets worse! Played 50c/$1 with $20. Got my stack up to $75.80 and for some reason decided I was gonna raise my next hand to $8 in the dark. Turns out I had AJo, one caller. Flop AJ9 two diamonds. I jam and get called by god damn 109diamonds. No lie! He's on a $180 stack. Turn is a diamond and I get hung.

This Time Its Bad!!!

Jesus Christ this is a bad one, God damn this blasphemy!!!!! Played a £2 multi on Crypto. Must admit this was amazing. My second hand in I jammed with a str8 on the turn. Got called by a better draw who connected on the river. This left me with only 10 chip. Auto allin next hand with AJo. Won, stack 100 chios. Next hand 88, allin. Won, stack 500. Next hand AQo aliin won, stack 1575. After that it was solid poker.lol Made the final table and busted in 6th for roughly £20 88 vs AQ. Ok fair enough. My mate Phil showed up again with another bottle of Cyder but this time I wasn't gonna wait till he passed out before I started hitting the tables. He dont know shite about poker so I was bringing some education. Yeah right! This is why you shouldn't play poker! Son of a ****!

Sat down with $50 on 50c/$1 crypto. Got my stack up to $125 with some solid Drunken poker. Took me nearly 3 hours and my mate was lovin it. Made him understand why I'm so hooked on this shite. Ran out of Cider so Phil went to get some more. Then this happened: AA utg. I raised to $5 coz I have a very loose table image. Fold down to BB who goes allin for $110. wtff? For ***** sake! Obviously I call. He's got 88. Flop 89K. Turn 10. River 10. Jesus Christ!

Spose it serves me right for developing a loose image. Could have got paid off big time tho. Anyway after that I totally lost it. Cant even remeber the hands I played or how much I lost but by the time my mate got back from ~Tescos neteller were refusing reloads coz I had maxed out the limit. Clucking bell! (hopefully this is not more than £40)

My mate got back and I stuck £20 into BluSq and played $1/$2 on a serious tilt. Got my stack up to $95. A6 clubs BB got raised to $10, one caller. I call. Flop A69 2 diamonds. I jam. Get called for a $210 pot by 99. Turn and river are jizz rags and I get done!

Stopped playing then and drank till I passed out. Its nearly 4am now and I'm not letting this one go. Gonna stick £20 into Blu and play $0.50/$1.

Stick That Bottle Down The Sink!

Oooo Bad Hangover!

(Tune of the day: Newskool Retaliation by dj Enticer. Asbolutely Wicked tune tune m8. Cant get enough of your stuff. Punkass!

The pic is from a party I went to last summer. I was invited by my late, great friend Agnes aka Senga. Who now has her name graffitied on the wall in big letters at the end of my road. Dont think I did it but strangely I do have a matching can of spray paint. Who knows what I get up to at 3am?

Anyway she told me it was a big hippy festival in Hungary so naturally I flew out to meet her. Senga and her daughter Viv (another wicked rudegal) were gonna meet me in Budapest airport coz they knew their way around. Turns out their plane had to land in another airport on the other side of Hungary and they were gonna meet me at the festival. Not speaking one word of Hungarian and already quite drunk I head for the main bus station hoping somebody can point me in the right direction. I'm in a really long queue for the ticket office and havent said a word to anyone. Then the guy in the kiosk waves me over to jump the queue.??? Maybe he could smell the cider on my breath or hear the gabba from my headphones and wanted me out asap. He asks me if I'm English. I said "Yes". And then he asked if I was going to the festival in Ozora, I said yes and he pointed me over to a croud of other English people who were also goin there. Touch! We had to get 3 different busses to places I cant even pronounce. Never would have made it without those guys. One guy was from a squat I went to in Peckham. Small world.

When we finally got there Senga and Viv were waiting for me at the gates with my ticket. Viv managed to get it online for around £30 I think. Ruspec! Everyone else was paying over £60 at the gates. Anyway as I'm walking in a car drives past me with at least 20 6 foot ganja plants tied to the roof rack. Now I know I've come to the right place (even tho I dont smoke anymore, its gotta be fun here). Senga points out that it grows wild out here along with lots of other natural halluncinogenics. Paradice.

So now I'm in this so called hippy festival. Is this Glastonbury? Is it f*#k! Its a full on bangin rave that went on for 5 days! Didnt hear much gabba but had a wicked time. I'm deffinately taking a tent next time :-) Senga found me asleep in some grass, soaked in morning dew. She must have spent ages wrapping me up coz when I woke up I was cookooned in all her clothes.
And she was standing there laughing. God bless you Senga!)

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Back to the poker. Last night was a total train wreck. Some of my worst play so far. Got woke up by a mate at about 9pm with a bottle of Cider. Had to drink him under the table before I could hit the tables. Really wish I had passed out now. Got on the 8.4% stuff. Downed roughly 6 litres.

Put £20 into Crypto. Played the $10 $1k gtd. At the same time Romper was in the $2k gtd. I watched his stack steadilly increase while mine dwindled into nothing. He got knocked out on a coinflip if I remember right. Unlucky m8. Least you cashed tho.

After that I went crazy on the cash. Busted the lot. Went to BluSq where I still had $50. Played 50c/$1. Got my stack up to $75 with some wrecless bluffing action. Then busted the lot with an allin bluff to get called by nut flush. Put another £20 in a cant remember wtf happened to that.

.

Acc. bal on Crypto $0.00

Acc. bal on BluSq $0.00

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Weekly profit at least £-50. Ouch! Gotta tighten up a bit now. There's a saying. "It's better to have loved and lost". I played and got f#*ked so I spose its true.

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Put It In Cyder!!!

No Stoppin

Aint been able to stop playin since last post. Asbolutely wankered ryt now and having trouble typing. Been up for nearly 48 hours now and still downin Cider. Dont know why but I started playin cash on BluSq. Got my stack up to $54.17. The DrunkenMonk staggers on! Dont actually know if I'm up atm but I thnk I must be. Crazy drunken poker pays off when you're in the zone. Didn't get tilted and played like a King the whole time.
Put It In Cyder!!!

OMFG

FFS Knew I shoulda left. Lost a load playing tourneys but made it all back on cash. Got my stack up to $52. Had a feeling I should leave now, but did I? Did I fuck! Fucking shit, bollocks fucking tit wank cunt.Was Allin on a flop AA10 with AK after a seriously big raise ($10 I think). I push, he calls with fucking 10 9o and turn 10 river 10 for a fucking $100 fucking pot. Mutha fucking shit fucking cunt! (spose he could have had 10 10 and that woulda been my bad anyway)

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Son of a mother fucking cunt!

Acc. bal. on Cryto $19.78

Acc. bal. on BluSq $18.89

Roughly $20 or £10 down from original weekly drunken load up. Thats fucking shit! Hours at work are going down and I really need to make some extra cash. Pardon the French, I'm sorry but I really am pissed off this time.

• post post edit (2 hours later)

Calmed down a bit now but not gonna delete the bad lingo coz I might read this back in the future and savour the swings. To be honest its asbolutely amazing how I got my stack up to what I did. Started drinking and playing str8 after work to win some then busted £7.50 on a sat for the £12k gtd £50 buyin when a mate showed up with more booze and my play was a bit off. Ended up going round his house and getting wasted till the sun came up. Thats when I got back home and started playing the cash(no sleep for over 36 hours). Its amazing how well I did considering how sloughtered I was. One for the DrunkenMonk trillogy I think. btw I call myself the DrunkenMonk coz it was a name given to me by a very good friend of mine called Michelle who died a couple years back. Still love her to bits and miss her like mad. Just like my best friend, spiritual guru Agnes who died on Christmas day last year. I'll love her till the end of the earth. I'm sure they would be laughing if they could see how wasted I am right now. I am the DrunkenMonk! Mashup de place!

Put It In Cyder!!!

The Monk Get Drunk

(cant get enough of the big rig pics. This was another Crossbones party in London a few years back. Asbolutely Avinit!!!)

(Tune of the day by the mighty dj Spectrum of the Headfuk crew. This ones a nice little jungle number called visions. Aint worked out how to make it play on me blog yet but if u click de box then open another window you can listen and read. A good skill for live games :-)

Ok here's how it goes so far (gotta blog this stuff to be able to work out if I'm up or down). Totally wasted at the mo. Finished work for the week and cracked open 3litre bottle of cider from the fridge. Put £10 into Crytpo yesterday and busted the lot. Put £10 in today. Played a £2 job and crashed. Played the £5 10am £400gtd hoping to see Romer there but he weren't so played well anyway but busted out in 34th, paid to 30. Put my last $6 (I think) into a cach game and made enough to play a £2 turbo plus some extra. Busted out of that one midway.

Had roughly $6 left again and put it all into cash. Had some good cards and managed to get my role up to $24. Then played another £2 job but this was 10 min blinds (my favourite). 100 runners and managed to finish 3rd for £24. Very nice. Fraid I cant really describe any hands coz I polished off my 3litres of 7.5% and moved on to the Latvian pear cider that a work m8 gave me. Its ok but Cider aint made from pears where I come from. Tastes good and gets U drunk tho. Not sure how much I'm up for the week atm but I know I am up so its all good!

Put It In Cyder!!!(not Latvian tho)

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Woh acc. bal on Crypto now up to $68.18 and still got $28.80 on BluSq. NICE!!!!

Suss Or Get Sussed?

(Tune of the day: Something to do with Jerry Springer from Sp!tting V!triol. Its got some wicked samples) (The pic is from a wicked Crossbones party. Some of the boys gettin their rigs together. Not sure if it was this one, but at one party the pigs showed up and told us we had to leave the buliding coz the roof was about to collapse. Must admit I did wonder how they managed to get loads of pipes to spray water on us from the ceiling. I thought it was to enhance the atmosphere. lol. Anyway we stayed till the sun came up. Nice day it was too.)

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Getting Drunk on work days is starting to payoff. Could only afford to put $5 into BluSq yesterday and got knocked out of the $3 when I went allin with KK on a J high flop, to get called out by Q9s on a flush draw who only just had me covered, and connected on the river. Thats $3s I spose.

Played some cash after that with the little I had left. Was getting a bit on the wasted side so played a tight 10 seater. Got really bored after an hour and started raising and showing with junk. Few hands later this really tight dude, who hadn' made any moves for ages was hu on a flop with me. I flopped a striaght draw but bet it like I had aces. He called me to the river where I made my str8. After my earlier display of donkedness I went allin. He called srt8 away to show two pair. Took down a $23 pot to put me well up for the day. Lovely start to the week.

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Finally got some cash into Crypto just now. Just got knocked out of a £2, 47 seater. Too sick to even mention. If I tried I'd start spilling bile on the keyboard! Was in 4th place and blam! Bitchin f#*kin badbeat central! Sick Sick Sick!!!

So now I'm gonna start earning rakeback on drunken tilt in a cash game. lol. Still have 2litres of cider in the fridge and only one night of work left this week. Might be goin to London tomoro. Depends how hungover I am. Probly update this post b4 I go to bed.

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Put It In Cider!!!

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Really cant be assed to play anymore today. Probably a good thing coz I'm wasted and have to go to work in 6 hours. Put nearly all the rest of my Crypto money into the £400 gtd £5 job. Turns out Romper was playing in it as well. Lost half my stack very quickly with QQ when a K high flop went down and got beat by K6. Romper is still in it atm. He aint got his im logged in so probably dont even know I was in that one. Ironically, when I got knocked out, he got moved to the exact same seat I was sitting in. Good Luck Romper!!! Rince those bitches!

Sometimes???

Sometimes I really do wonder about how and why and what I do. How totally insane am I? I have been advised to stay away from cash tables by very good poker playing friends of mine . They have witnessed the crazy atrosities I have created. But do I listen? Do I f#*k!

I know I can play cash very well but it only lasts for a limited period of time. I'll double or even triple up my stack but then something happens to my brain that makes me bust the lot. That last time, I started with $20 and turned it into $40. It was all good and I was happy with my outcome but there was one thing that really twisted my brain so bad I stopped being able to play poker. I was in the BB and checked with 45o. Flop 442. This dude went allin after we all checked for $18.75. I should have called but I pussied out thinking he had A4. He showed his QQ. It took half an hour for tilt to properly kick in but I couldn't stop thinking about how bad my fold was. I had to get some more money out of this table. I started raising up to ten times the BB with nothing and was getting called every time. Thats how I lost everything. I could not deal with the fact that I got bluffed off a monster pot and I totally lost it. Now I have nothing left at all and it really hurts. I know this would never have happened playing mtts but I did make $20 on cash before I lost it. I've put £5 into BluSq but dont feel confident or sober enough to play with it yet. I'm so gutted. I started with $2, turned it into $95, and rinced the whole lot like a drunken twat. Shame of it.

Anyway had a nice chat with a nice girl today and I think she understands my crazy drunken ways. Who knows? Maybe I bring in the future.

Always Put It In Cyder!!!

Drunken Hell

Just doubled $20 into $40 then busted the lot on tilt plus another $20 tilted as a mo fo. Acc. Bal down to $6.67 now. Messed it up propper but goin to stick the rest back into a lower stake cash game to try and regain something. Probably going busto soon. Wish me luck.

Friday Feelin

Tune of the day. Quality Gabba from Ronin: "Pissing On The Gates Of Hell"

Feels like its Friday. Dont know why coz I got a fat hangover. Made the mistake of leaving my mates house to go home and play poker lastnight. I was well wasted and played very badly. Did a $5 rebuy but got nowhere. Blew loads on cash and now my acc. balance has busted down to $49.67. Ouch. Also, Woke up to find that I knocked my landline fone onto the floor and it had redialled a mates mobile. It was still connected when I woke up! Uh oh. This one could cost me a few pennies. Bancruptcy could still be in the picture. Will have to download some poker software at the library.

The London lives game is next week as long as my mate makes it over from the States. Should be fun. Been missing London and all its mess. Dont really feel up to much poker atm. Have 3litres of Cyder in the fridge so I'm sure that will change.

Put It In Cyder!

Staggerin Again

Once again the DrunkMonk manages to donk off all of his chips on a stupid allin bluff!

Played a $2 rebuy $750 gtd. This time I doubled my magnificent make you think I'm a donk strategy by alowing myself 2 deliberate donk rebuys to gain a loose status. It worked again. Allin on 9xo. Rebuy. Allin on A3o. Rebuy. Allin on AA get 3 callers and tripple up. Now I'm playing hard but getting very drunk. 105 runners. Make it to the final table on a 70K stack and double up to a monster 140K. Well in front of everyone but well wasted so dont mess around waiting for people to go out so decide I'll knock them out myself. 77 raise up ra ra cant remember exactly what happened but it was a 6 high flop. 60k stack goes allin. I know he's got a better pair but call anyway. He shows 10 10 to prove my point and I'm knocked down to 3rd spot. Could have so easilly sat tight for more money but no. I push allin on the flop against 2nd place with a K high board and to be honest I cant even remember what I had but it deffinetely weren't a K. He calls with f#*king 99 and I'm out in 6th place for $37.50. Donktastic!

At least I cashed anyway. Very drunk right know, and I have slightly proved that I can play poker when I'm wasted. Got my acc. balance up to 90 something dollars so its all good. Really should have at least made 3rd tho. I could have folded to that with the stack I was on. Live and Learn.

For a change I'm not goin to blow lots of money on cash right now. I know I'm wasted and I'm gonna eat some food and watch some good day time tv till I pass out and sober up.

Put The Cyder In The Fridge!!!

Mo Monk Rags

((same tune of the day as yesterday coz that tune is totally sick. Played a whole tournament listening to that tune flat out on repeat. Plus a couple others. I'm not that crazy! Really do miss those tunes tho. Those guys do some of the fattest squat parties in London. Storming big warehouses and abandoned industrial estates. Was at one party, a few years back, in some old printing factory. Gabba was avin it proppa. Then the owner turned up with about ten of his big mates. The factory had not been long closed and there was still printing machinery scattered about, with prints still inside. lol. Anyway there must have been at least 800 of us in the building at the time so there was f' all the owner could do about it, but he went straight up to the DJ anyway. By now its about 10 am and a beautiful summers day (sun was shining through the roof). The owner said he wouldn't call the police if we shut down, f#*ked off, and didnt nick anything. Due to the amount of people there the pigs wouldn't have been able to do a thing apart from random drug searches on the way out (or a major raid, its always a gamble). Headfuk tho, being the gentlemen they are, shut down the rig and we all politely left the building after having had an asbolutely wicked party. Just for you London!))

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Back to the poker. Got back from the bank and they still haven't sorted it out. Had £5 to live on so I naturaly spent it on 3litres of Cyder and a pouch of baccy (I'd already drunk 2litres, hence the last blog rant). BluSq were doing another $2k rebuy but it was only a $1 job this time so I gave it a shot. 668 entrants.

Decided on a new stategy for this one. Right from the off there were some crazy allin psychos and I made a point of making fun of the bad beats. Got a few people really wound up and told them thats what I love about $1 rebuys. I then jammed with some Monk rags and got called and beaten as planned. Now I'm waiting for a hand to get paid off. Quite soon I get AQ and jam. Several callers and I catch the ace which held against junk. I'm now set up for the tourney. 6K I think. Now I'm playing solid poker. One of the guys I was winding up said I got lucky and I told him I was just good at poker. He's on a 3k stack and the allins are starting to calm down. We end up hu on a flop for a nice pot. I have top pair str8 draw and check raise. He calls. Turn completes my str8 and I jam. He calls with top pair A kicker. River a Monk rag and I take his 3K.

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Manage to steadily increase my stack playing tight until the addon period. I'm well stacked and gear it up a bit. The blinds start creaping up and everyone is folding. I min raise with 10 10 and BB calls. He's on a 20k stack and I have him well covered. Flop 5K7 rainbow. He bets half of his stack. This tells me he doesn't have 2 pair and probably has a weak kicker. I gamble on catching my 10 and call. Turn A. He checks, I make a very dangerous jam and he folds. Lovely. He would be so sick if I showed but I've got a really strong table image by now after having some really good cards showed down.

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Now I've gone past the 4litre mark and I think the flat out gabba in my ears twisted my brain a little (I'm like Hellmuth on drugs). I'm 17th out of the remaing 44 on 60K and I made possibly the worst conscious play I have done in the whole ten months I've been playing.

Blinds 1200/2400 and the DrunkMonk assumes an attack vector on the button. sb short stacked but not ready to push yet. bb has me covered by 200 chips. I'm dealt rags and min raise hoping for a call from bb to push him off on flop or turn.

He calls and its a K high flop 2 diamonds. He bets the pot. I call hoping for another diamond (not that I've got any). Flop, a low diamond and he checks. (this is where I messed up. should have took it on the turn as normal). I got gready and decided on a check turn allin reraise move on river. I check. River another low diamond. He makes a small bet and I jam allin representing the Ace. He considers for a bit and calls to show KdJs. Ouch! That play was so bad that someone actually said "I cant belive he just did that!" Had 92o I think. Playing in the dark anyway.

So I've busted out in 44th place out of 668 and take home a wopping $4.40.

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After that I went a bit made on the cash tables, convined I could quickly make a drunken profit but it was not to be. My acc. balance is now down to $67.90. This is all the money I have in the world right now but I'm not going to cash it out. I'm not going to put anymore in either coz even when I get paid I need all the money for the London trip. Had a nice curry round the ol' Dears earlier and she had kindly put a 3litre bottle of Frosty Jacks in the fridge for me. God Bless Er! Picking daffodiles really does payoff! It's 3:30am and I'm well up for some poker now.

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Put It In Cyder!

Tune of the Day

(More from the great ely muff of the Headfuk crew . Ruspec! [click sq])

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Absolutely sick, gutted, and really not in the spirit to play poker for the next ten minutes so droppin a blog. Played the 8:30 2K rebuy on BluSq. Started on a really mad allin table with lots of complaints from tight wods. Got my AQs busted. 1st rebuy. Then got my snowmen trampled on. 2nd and final rebuy. Dont even know why I did this one really coz I normally dont do even one rebuy and I've now bought in for $30 when its only paid to 20 for $20. Have to make 10th for $35 but I had my sights set on the $600 1st place.

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Got dealt 75o 3 limpers, blinds 100/200 I think. Made the monumental decision to make a Gus Hanson raise to 800 (he probly would raise a bit more). 3 callers. Flop 379. I decide I'm ahead and jam the rest of my 3000 chips (its a double stack tourny). In true rebuy fashion they all call. They show JJ, QQ, and AA. So why the f*#k didnt I get an allin reraise preflop? Guess they all thought someone would do what I just did with jack sh't. Anyway, turn is a beautiful 5 and river is a Monk rag and I go 2nd with a 12k takedown. Nice!

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Spose its karma that I got knocked out in the way I did. Managed to get my stack up to 30K. 31 players left and I have my mind set on playing tighter than a nun's flanjeita to make sure I get at least 20 bucks back.

Then I get 66 in mid and couldn't resist raising with the mark of the beast. Blinds still only 400/800. I make it 2400. 1 caller. Flop 776. I check. He goes allin for 60K. I call. Hes got K10! ffs! Turn 10, and river a bloodsucking, soul destroying, mutha f#*king 10! Jesus Christ. I busted out in 31st place. Bugger!

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Anyway I've now run out of Cyder and fags, and my bank still hasent paid back the rent I was double charged for. They're open now so I'm gonna go down and give 'em f#*k!

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Put It Where You Want Coz I'm Pissed Off!!!!!

Blinding

Finished another hard nights slog at work and got home to find I forgot to buy any Cyder. Luckilly I had some baccy left today. Played the 7:30am $3 on BluSq again and managed to make the final table for the second time in a row. Started out as the 3rd dog but managed a couple of double ups before getting caught trying to steel the blinds with A8s. Ran into AQ busting out in 9th for $10.50.
Have to complain. It was really annoying when I disconnected for a few seconds and it took nearly 5 minutes to log back in. This happened twice and BluSq know its there fault. Havent had this on any other site yet. Touch wood. To make things worse, the second time I logged back in I had to wait for bloody site updates! This meant that when I finally did get back in, to the same table, I was playing with a different deck! How mad is that? And I dont like it either, its too bright and looks like its designed for kids. It made my eyes hurt and put me off my game.
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Anyway enough moaning. I won a nice big bottle of Cyder for my efforts and thats what matters. Cant wait to get back into the 12hour sessions this week. Gonna keep my stakes low again and try to drink slightly weeker Cyder.

Oh yeah, played cash as well, 5c/10. Started with $2 and left with $14. Won a $7 pot when some guy went allin with 44 after a bad beat and ran into my aces. Nice!

$19.50 up for the day Wahoo!

. click the box for a sick ass tune. should work this time :)
And Always Put It In Cyder!!!

Happy Easter!

Ah tis a joyus day indeed for Christ has arizen, and the DrunkenMonk has sobered up a bit.

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First I gotta bigupp the man like Animal for winning the 100k on Mansion to pocket a cool £12,000 cash. Wow. Nuff Respect!

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Also, a big welcome back to Bluescouse (88% concentration). Was and still is an absolutely amazing blog. If you havent read it yet you obviously dont like poker.

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Had a little success as well today. Played the 7:30am $3 freezout on BluSq as soon as I finished work. Bit skint so could only afford one pint of Cyder and also ran out of fags half way through but I think this helped me focus a bit more. Ended up finishing 2nd out of 152 runners to cash $91.20. A big win for me atm. The fuuny thing was that the whole way through I thought 1st place was only $32. (something was wrong with BluSq info board).

Must admit I did have a couple seriously lucky hands. Blinds 75/150 on 4k stack. late pos. with Ac2c two limpers. I min raised for some reason and they called. Flop 729 two clubs. 1st man goes allin for 2k, next man calls allin for roughly 2k. I'm feelin hungry and decide to go for my draw and call. 1st guys got AQo??? Next guys got 75o ????? And I catch a set on the turn. Yes Yes.

After that I start playing really aggressively (mainly coz I'm out of fags and the shop is open). Get 910s blinds 200/400 and reraise an 800 bet from mid to 1600. This guy was playing really tight and I know if he doesn't go allin he aint got pocket Aces or Kings and I can take him on a low flop. He calls. Flop a miraclulus A99. He bets 800, I make it 3200 (hoping he has AK) and he went allin! to show AKo. Turn and river are Monk rags and I take down a 10k pot. Then someone said I was playing joke poker so the next hand when I get 99 I'm naturally allin. 3 people called allin and I catch another set!!! Oh yeah! Trip 9s twice in a row!

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After that I went fairly card dead but was in 2nd place so was able to throw my weight around enough to cruise into the final table. Spent my time guessing hands, while not in play and I've discovered I'm suprisingly good when I'm sober. This is when my mate Romper starts watchin.

My stack was up and down till final 3 and I'm sitting pritty buggered on a 16k stack vs 60k and 80k. Got some really good tips from Romper. My short handed tourney game is my worst I think, but with the help from my mate I was making some serious aggressive moves and I managed to get my stack up to around 40k.

Continuing the pressure I decide to move allin againt a reraise from chip leader preflop with A4s. Not sure what I was thinking there really. He shows AQ, misses the lot, and I catch myself a nice little 4. Oh Yeah. Poker at its best.

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Lots of good play after that, went leader with over 3/4 of the chips knocking gutted Mr.AQ out then it went a bit tits up. Ditched most of my chips in random beats. Got some serious cussin from Romper when I folded after making a 10k bet into a massive pot. He went allin and by now had me covered. I had him beat with middle pair on the flop but I let him catch runner runner set on turn and river 333. Should have jammed straight away. Lesson learned. Still really happy with a good days wages for playing poker. Bloody good fun too.

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Bigup yaselves and Put It In Cyder!!!

Micro~Stakes Massive

Absolutely skint at the mo, mainly due to the fact I need to save money to go to London in a week or two. Got the big lives game coming up but I'll probably just have enough to buy cyder. Hope that counts as colaterol. I'm actually a quite wasted at the mo. Had to work lastnight but had 2 litres of cyder when I got home. Had $2 left in Blu somehow too so sat at a micro 5c/10c and turned it into $14 in 15 minutes. There really are some donks at that level! Played a $3 freezout aswell but crashed out 34th (paid to 20th). Never really cut the mustard in that one but still happy to have got a better hourly rate in cash than I would at work. £4 up is a bottle of Cyder!

Live the Dream!!!!

Nice Headphones!

Wahey! Just worked out how to upload film clips. Just saw a very funny Star Trek spoof called XXX Sex Trek with Captain Kock. They get sucked into a giant space minge. Its also shockingly hardcore so cant share it with you. So here's a good reason to fold A4o and stop listening to rnb with crap headphones.(aint quite got it sussed yet. You have to click on the empty space above :0)

BTW busted my £5 in 5minutes last night. Another good excuse for me to sit down with more money?

Ooops

Quite gutted at the moment. Although I managed play for 7 hours with just $20. Didn't get anywhere in the 8k sat. so wont be playing that. Managed to make the final table in a £2 with 127 runners. One of my best pots was when I flat called at blinds 200/400 with 33. There were 5 other callers and flop comes 588. All check except the girl behind me. I bet 400, she calls, they fold. Turn an amazing 3. I bet 800. She goes allin but I have her covered. I call. She shows 78. River a rag for a 7k pot. This put me in 2nd out of 20 for ages but I made a few bad plays after taking down a 9k pot(cant remember what with) and ended up the dog on final table with just 4000 chips. Push with QQ utg. Blinds 600/1200. Called by K3s who hits the K. Oh well, won £5.

Put that straight into a £5 tourney and busted half way. ~Cant remember what with coz I'm passing the 3 litre mark. Played my 1st 6seat tripple shootout. #Not really sure how they work but I ended heads up with this dude who had 4 times my stack after knocking 3 people out in one hand. Managed to level our stacks up after about 20 mins but got knocked out when my two pair ran into a set. Played another £2 to win jack and now have nothing left of my rakeback. Thats fair enough, I've had some good fun over the last 7 hours plus lastnight. One table had me in absolute stiches, so bad I could hardly play a hand. This guy said something really nasty to a girl who was only trying to be nice. That was it, red rag to a bull! I was first to lead out with the insults (mainly about how gay he looked in his photo), then the whole table joined in. Wow! I've never seen such humiliating wit at a poker table. That alone was worth the £2 buyin, plus I managed to steel a few pots while no-one was looking. Still busted cashless tho.

Anyway whats really got me vexed is the fact that I havent played one cash game all day. Usually if I'm in tourney mode I'll hit the cash to pay for the next one but not today. So this in mind I'm gonna squeeze £5 into BluSq, sit down with the whole $10 and see what happens. Its ok coz I've still got another 4litres of Cyder in the fridge. Think I have a £10 bonus nearly cleared there too. Waheey!

Put it in Cyder!

Oh yeah got a new link on the right. A good friend of mine makes some wicked Urban Graffiti Jewelery (for boys and girls). This stuff is seriously wicked so check it out! Buy someone something decent for a change!

Easy Come Easy Go

Thank God for rakeback. Had the night off work lastnight and luckily my rackback was in. Only $31 this month (thanks to a big rince out on BluSq) but still much better than playing freerolls. Played a few £2 mtts without cashing. One of them was due to tiscali going down for 2 hours. Glad I weren't playin with in a big one at the time.

My b/r started to dwindle so I sat down for a night of cash at the v.low 15c/25c. Played for a few good hours. Started with $15 and gradually worked it up to $50 then in true DrunkenMonk fasion I blew nearly all of it on one hand. Was expecting a couple mates round but they didnt show, and before I knew it I was cruisin past the 4litre mark (7.5% stuff). Didnt even think I was drunk!

Anyway I get A9spades in late. 2min raisers, I call. Blinds call. Flop JJ5 2spades. BB makes it $1 fold to me I call. I know he's got the J but want to catch my flush. Turn 8s. He checks. I dont think he's got the boat and push. He calls with his remaining $30 and shows J8. Oooops!

Down to $20 I amazingly called it a night so today I have something to play with. Gona be hitting the 8k sats, and low stakes tourney. Just glad not to be freerollin atm.

Over Killed

Realized my bank details were being stored on the casino account I opened to mess around with roulette so I phoned them up to get my account closed. The guy couldn't understand why, even when I told him his site had too many nasty popups (which some people have reported). I was running late for work so I said sod it I'll apply to get it closed via email. Not thinking, I said I have a massive gambling problem and have been advised to close all my accounts (mistake!). I recieved a very long and compassionate email explaining where I can and should get help and as a result of my destructive addiction I have now been banned from using all their software for life! Ooops! I wouldn't mind the casino side of it but this also includes Pacific Poker. Looks like I'll have to use one of my other email, and bank accounts to get round that. Oh well, lesson learned.

Whats really jarred me this week is the fact that I cant play any poker at all this week (except freerolls) due to my bank's totall and utter incompetence. Had to change the date my rent goes out by 3days this month. My landlord must really love me now coz in their ultimate wizdom they paid him twice. This has put me £300 into the red. Obviously I phoned and complained, but they said although I shouldn't get any fines they can't do anything till Monday. So I'm sposed to work 12hour shifts on thin air? And whats this shouldn't get any fines rubbish? If I do I'm going straight down my branch and dialling 999 to report a robbery!

On a lighter note, managed to get into the 7am freeroll rebuy on Blue Sq. Cant believe how popular that is. Thought I might have competition entering so waited till the second registration opened, and clicked in. Within 2 minutes flat 1000 people had registered. Wow! It starts in 45 minutes and I'm actually really looking forward to it, due to the total lack of poker recently.

Oh yeah, busted out of the £2 last night in 55th. Flat called in mid pos with KJo. Lots of callers. Flop 56J rainbow. Check to me. I bet the pot and got one caller (button). With no preflop raising I know he doesn't have AJ and he's quite a loose player so I put him on a srt8 draw. Turn 2. I bet half the pot. He flat calls. Now I am a bit worried he's on two pair. River J. I make a suck bet hoping for a call. He pushes and I have him covered so I call (reckless? but pot commited imo). He shows J2. Ouch!

Was in the top 20 but now busted down to just 500 chips. I get KK and jam utg and get 3 callers. Dont know what they had but I get beat by A9o who hits the A on the river and thats it for me.

Really need to win one of these £2 jobbies. Thats half a weeks wages if I do. Dream Dream Dream but at least keepin the stakes down for a bit. Got in off a freeroll anyway. While teachin a mate how to play as well. Maybe I need to be a little less creative at the lower stakes. Text book poker all the way. Hopefully this Blu Sq freeroll will add some funds to the DrunenMonk's breadroll.

Keep it real!

• Post Post

Just finished 44th out of 1000 players to win 50 cent WAHOO!!!!

Would have done a lot better but its way past my bed time and was only on an average stack so decided to jam with 95s in late after fold to me. Got called by chip leader who only had 33. Didnt spike and its time for tea. (out of cyder too).