Why Lie

(tune of the day is by DJ Spectrum. Its called "Dont Fuk". Got this one on vynl. Nice little relaxing numba. And I need it right now)

Didn't think I was gonna be able to play today but realised I still had $3.55 in Crypto. Must have left it coz it were'nt enough to play cash. Stuck it into a £1 Sng and won it for £5. I know I'm good at Sng's but am totally hooked on cash atm. Especially with it being the last day of the month for rakeback. Sat down with my fortune of $10 against 5 other people, and 3 of them were multi tabling. I've usually got an edge against these dudes at these stakes (15c/25c). Easy to knock the multi players off the pot, grinding at the blinds (its sad I know).

So this dude who I have notes on as "drunk to much" (single tabler, seems a bit like me), keeps rasing 5bbs just like I do when I'm hammered. I called him down with 10s and he put me allin on a K high board. Had to call and doubled up. He had A8 I think.

Lost it straight back to him on next hand when my 9s were no good on a 8 high flop and he rivered a J. Not sure if I started to tilt then. Was contemplating the meaning of tilt. Someone asked BlueScouse what he thought tilt meant and he had a very good answer. In my opinion its when you shout "Mother F*#ker!" at the screen and cant calm down afterwards.

I did calm down tho and felt the need for a big raise utg with QQ. I was trying to play it safe (or so I thought. Turned it into 75o) coz I was enjoying the game and dont like Qs much (40c would have done me fine). Got one caller. Flop 33A. 2 clubs (I have one). Bet $1, flat called. Turn K clubs. Check Check. River 5 clubs. Giving me the nut flush. I jam allin coz he has me wey covered and I hope he thinks I'm bluffing. He calls with A3o. Son of a C*#NT!!! Totally wiped me out. Spose he could have had AA tho and that would've been my bad.

Oh well. Get my rackybacky tomoz. It aint as much as I thought coz I didnt double it but its still enough to play. And I'm off for me four day weekend (love my job right now), have my rent paid, and got me weeks wages to burn!!! The stakes are goin up pritty soon!

Put It In Cider!!!!

Away With The Pixies

(tune of the day by FilthyDirtyBitch, called Hue you fink. A nice little junglist, drumbase rinceout. Bit experimental. Enjoy)

I really lost it this time. Went on an alldayer on Friday. Downed over 6 litres of the good stuff and passed out round a mates house. They woke me up coz we were sposed to be going clubbing, but as I didnt have any money I thought it would be a better idea to go home and play some poker. Good call Monk! You twat!

Managed to rince out my whole stack and didnt even go near $1/$2. $25 buyin on 10c/20c and made it up to $45. Dont know what I was thinking but I decided to announce that I was allin on the next hand. This dude said he would call, but he lied. Anyway I had 77 luckilly and jammed it. Got called by AA who had me covered. I managed to hit a 7 and took down a sick $90 pot. Still downing the cider and theres no way I'm stopping here. Lost $30 to the same dude in a similar fashion when my 99 got beat by his 10s. Really playing mickey mouse poker now.

Ended up donking off the rest of my stack on hands I cant even remember. Had to reload $25. Was so drunk by now that I'm having trouble clicking the buttons. This dude went allin with top pair A kicker on the flop and I accidently clicked call instead of fold and caught runner runner str8. Lovely.

Anyway there was not much real poker to talk bout really. Basically I was away with the pixies and spent 5 hours donking off my stack. Gutted in the morning. Woke up for work and had one of thee worst hangovers ever. No breakfast just vomitus, and staggered to work with a serious case of the shakes.(at least I didnt call in sick like my mate did, so kinda made my money back in a retrospective sense). Just got back home now after a very hard night and was amazed to find 2 pints of Cyder in the fridge. Oh man that tastes sweet! Offee still not open for an hour. Dont think I have any money left now anyway. If do its going into BluSq for some desperado rince out business. Thank god for rakeback. Get my rakeback on Tuesday so that will put me str8 back in the driving seat. Yes Yes!

Put It In Cyder!!!

Read it and weep

Yeah I put that desperate £10 into BluSq and guess what? After 6 litres of very strong Cyder, I totally rinced those bitches. Started with $19 odd. And ended up with $58.86. Yes Yes. Didnt hit my target of $80 to break even but sod it, this will do. Had to stop playing when I finished my 2nd 3 litre bottle of 7.5% coz I dont know what to do when I aint got no booze. Anyway I is well wasted atm and only $20 down for the day now. which is a lot better than the last post. Just wish I could get my money out quicker than 3 days coz the electric is running out soon. Who cares about that anyway? One for the ~DrunkenMonk this time I think. I was well down and gutted. It took me nearly 4 hours to get some money back but I did it. Drunk as a skunk. Nearly trippled up what I put in so its all good. Might have to have one off the wrist now. 2HandShandy f'king smacked it!#

Put It In Cyder!!!

• Post Post

Forgot to mention a totally sick hand which was played in true DrunkenMonk stlye. I had just anounced to the table that I was only playing these micro stakes coz I had just busted $200 playing $1/$2 and was pissed out of my head (one of the sly Monk tricks). And I was gonna take out all the filthy fishes. Got caught at it several times with some rediculus preflop raises and this dude was slagging me off. Cant remember the exact banter but I pulled him up on some really bad plays he made, and cussed him to the ground. Its not long before I get 45o utg and raise to $1.25 (10c/20c table). All fold down to him in BB. He flat calls. Flop J74 rainbow. He checks. I bet $2. He calls. Turn K. He bets $2, I raise to $4, he calls. River is another K. He bets $5. I dont think he's got it. He's just pissed off with some of the shit I'm comming out with. So I reraise to $10 to knock him off the pot. He flat calls me! to show AQo and I take down a bumpa $35 pot with 45o. OMFG! The DrunkenMonk Staggers On!

Pissed Off With This Shit!!!!

Had enough of this shit now. £30 down and it was soul destroying how I lost it. Bad Beat after Bad Beat but I was determined not to go on drunken tilt like I usually do. Amasingly I didn't and kept well diciplined but Jesus Christ, did I get done over? I got totally f#*'ed!!!!

I'm having touble to write this coz I'm so pissed off. Ffs!

This has gotta be quick. I really couldnt afford to lose that so I might stick some more in out of pure outrageous desperation.

A9 flop 496 ra ra ra turn 9. Allin. River K. He has 44. Ok that was not a bad beat but it took my whole £10 out of Crypto.

Went to BluSq coz if I win I can get my money out quicker. £10. AA busted allin on a flop J29. By runner runner srtaight for my whole stack.

Reload £10 and get done by some bitch on a $40 stack. Got KK utfg and raise to 5 times the BB which is unusualy aggressive(and stupid with a hand like that) for me. Get called by this bitch. Flop is J high with 2 diamonds so I jam. Bitch calls me with A2 diamonds and hits her diamond,.

Bloodclaat!!!

Never been this mad at poker in my life. I've messed it up propper this time. That money was for food and electricity. If you dont hear from me for a while its coz I'm sitting in the dark.

Gonna put another £10 back into BluSq coz I aint havin this shit!

Splat

(Tune of the day: Ely Muff: Blair Bitch Project.Wicked Jungle Gabba rince-out. The pic is of a place I stayed a couple years back in Florida. It was actually a hostel behind the two towers but we used to blag our way in to their swimimg pool. It helps to be British, they believe anything. This place was residence to the likes of Oprah Winfrey and Tommy Hill Figure. Even managed to get a free courtesy car to the airport. Touch. Man that was a sick holiday. Got totally wasted evey day for 3 months. Except one day when I think I might have had alcohol poisoning. Only lasted a day tho. Really do miss eating steak every day. I dream about it.)

Bloodclaat! Rinced out me whole roll. Good job Romper got me to take out £20. You were right mate I busted the lot. Went up and down like mad on cash. It payed for a couple £2 multis but I didn't do to well in them. This usually means I'm in the mind set to play cash. Must admit tho it was a mistake playing at all yesterday coz I had earlier told a mate I wasn't in the mode for poker. That soon changed after 3 litres of Cider. Managed to get my stack from $20 to $45. Then I lost a $40 pot with top two pair. I jam and get call by a bumboclaat straight draw who connects on the river. Son of a chi-chi man!

I sort of lost it after that. Was way too drunk and didnt have the patience to wait for good cards. Ended up reloading and busting that too. Oh well. Put in £10 took out £20 so its not all bad. Today is another day.

Put It In Cyder!!!

Romper

Right this post is dedicated to da man like Romper who apparently reads this shit every day and has not listened to any of my "tune of the day"s. Fair enough he's a poker head and just wants to laugh at the bad beat rants, but this dude is also a gabba head like me! My first attempt at multi media went really bad trying to upload utube stuff, which didnt work 2nd time round, so I gave up on that and just do "tune of the day". To hear the "tune of the day" u have to click or double click the little square with no picture in it (I dont do them every day so f~*k off!). It might take a little while to load but dont worry there's no viruses coz its my mates website, they are trying to sell their seemingly unusual vynl. Wot happens next is u get redirected to their mp3 player. Then u can hear the tune and u have to open another, seperate internet window to come back to my blog and the tune will still be playing. OK I can see a reason why even my best friends havn't even heard my "tune of the day" yet. I have some major technospasticalities which have not been ironed out yet. F#*k it dey work in my phones!

No need for Jamaican Patios today coz I totally rinced out. (So Far). Gave up on the idea of multi tabling coz that was a shit idea. Put all $20 on 15c/25c 10 seater, full. Had to wait half hour to get in and was pritty sober so clocked the spankers.(6:30am on crypto). Waited the whole round for my blind and developed a solid tight table image after that. Won some nice pots then I got these:

Monk on A4s (clubs) BB min raised from late, fold to me.(very tight table) . I'm on $27 ish. I raise to $1. Dude calls. Flop AQ4 two spades. Bit worried bout de flush draw so make it $3. He calls. Turn Kd. chek chek.(he must have thought he would win here) River is the ace of spades. I bet $1 hoping he has the nut flush. He reraised me to $5 and I jam allin. He calls for his $17.50 showing KJ spades. Lovely

Next big one was a lovely flop the nut flush. A9 and get it. Fold to the river and some dude thinks his pair Js is good enough to go allin. Poetry. $19.50 pot on that one.

Anyway got it up to $65 and was gettin very drunk. Blew a load chasing 33 and I knew he had aces. Bloodclaat play. Then blew 20 jancrow dollas with an allin bluff on a J high board when he had QQ. Knew he had me beat too but couldnt resist. Took me nearly 2 hours to get it back up to a respectable level, where I cashed my bumpa $20 bonus and hit $95 ish.

Den dat slag named Romper showed up. Played lots of live games with him round his house, just for fun. Its not about the money its about being the superior player with friends games. I've always come back a better poker player on the net afterwoulds as well. So I played him heads up $3/$6. and lost about $40. Seriously? Nah its kool. I owe him dat for de last one.
You're still a slag tho Romper and you know I'll beat you hu anytime!!!!!

$45 up for the day!

Back for some more drunkenpoker now

Put It In Cyder!!!

I is gon ride da beenie!

It has been brought to my attention that gratuitous use of "bad langugage" as deemed by the Oxford English Dictionary may result in termination of my blog. Knowing full well that I am about to embark on a long, hard, alcohol fuelled week of poker which will in no doubt result in many drunken bad beat rants. I have decided as of today that all my drunken expletives shall be translated into Jamaican Patios henceforth drawing from my most enjoyable squating experieces around London.

But a wha di rass? Bumboclaat! Dutty eediat fassyholes. Fyah fi yu! Guh labbajuice yu gal! Jinnal licky-licky pussyclaat. Nah ramp wid mi! Gunkona.

With this in mind I've decided to put $20 into Crpyto. Still havent made my bonus yet and get 40% rake back if I can double my rake in the next few days. How hard can that be?

Gonna multi table cash, 4 tables with $5 on each. Hopefully this will stop my drunken moves getting out of hand. At least I'll probably get too confused to play weak hand. Amitiville check fold city here I come!

South West Side AIII!