Shamone Mudda Fukkas Innit

Easy now> Cheers for all da comments on me last fossilized post folks. I is been well off da rails lately innit. Aint played poker for 2 weeks exactly. Dont really know what has been wrong with me head but I just aint been up for playing. Maybe it as something to do with da fact dat I is been on a massive Srumpy bender?

Seriously I have been well too wasted to mention. I aint even been online to read me emails or even checkout how me bloggin bredrins are doin. Hope all is well folks and you has been rincing dose bitches. Will be catching up on all ur poker expiditions over the next couple days. (wonder how Bluescouse is doing? And Kenn, Yorkshire Pud, Amatay, Cadmunkey, Burnleymik, and all da rest of u cats)

There is a small amount of truth in what Mr.Anonymous said on my last post. I had been seriously hitting the Cyder hard for over a week (at least 10 litrea a day dawn til dawn)[spelling mistake but sound a bit like Amatay innit. Shamone] Luckilly I realized dat on this crazy drunken mission of mine (to drink da local dry) I had to stay away from all things poker related including my blog, otherwise I would lose my whole roll. So on this particular day I was raeching the 15 litre mark (sick as fuck I know I need help) and I managed to get a free trial on a webcam site. A sexy one too. Full of crazy people in chat rooms all with webcams and microphones talking to each other. I've never seen anything like this in my life seriously. Man it was sick. I was reading the friendly banter that was popping up on screen and decided to click on a few names to see who was talking. OOOPS!!!! Made the mistake of clicking on dis geezer who had his cam on but u couldnt see his face. Nooooooooooooo! All u could see was him wanking his fucking cock off! So I quickly clicked on a girl who (he was probably looking at) was chatting, and she was doing all kinds of crazy shit with a massive blue dildo (I hope none of my girl friends are reading this. If you are. Remember I had drunk nearly 15 litres of 7.4% Scrumpy and please forgive me. lol)

Anyway, I couldnt find the right button to get off the girl with the big blue dildo. Then some girl asked me to put my cam and mic up. I said ok I will if u want to see my big one. She said yes please. I said ok, cammed up and showed her my big 5 litre bottle of Scrumpy and said Ave Some Of Dat!!! She was beautiful and laughed into my headfones. I could see her and hear her and she could me, so we didnt need to type anymore. Its like a free videofone. Amazing!
So while all these very open minded people are wanking and frigging themselves off, I sitting here just chatting to this georgeous American gal, and playing her some off my drum&base. Its a bit like dat dude off of Human Traffic except I never run up a £150 fone bill. Ended up talking to her for like 3 or 4 hours about life and eternity. By 3am she had managed to persuade me to give up drinking! lmfao
Next day I gave up drink cold turkey style and fuck me did I pay for it. My doctor has actually advised me not to do this but I did it anyway. DT's kicked in big time. Wont go into the details, but I could even drink water without throwing up for 24hours. Gettin wiv da sickness bigtime.
Luckilly after 3 days off da booze I was well enough to drive a truck to help me folks move house (all thanx to da girl on da net. Destiny eh?) Been helping dem move all week. Man have dey got a lot of stuff.

Anyway I is well up for some poker now and da booze is well back on, but on me normal levels. I was goin crazy for a while. Even missed last weeks live game coz I was too hammered to get into the pub. Should be on for tomoz tho I'll let u all know.
Time for some drunken internet table mashing.....

Put It In Cyder!!!!

Real Slack

(tune of the day: Gangtsa Boogie, only a cut sorry. Heard a wicked drumbase remix of "I bring in da future" will try find it for next time. Pic is the Tree of Slack)

Been really slack recently. Aint dropped a post for ages (dont know where I got that weird pic for the last one. Too much wanking makes you go blind I spose). Aint even switched on me computer for nearly a week. I would like to say this is because I have spent most of my time reading "Harrington on Hold'em" but the trooth is, I've just been getting totally wankered evry day. There's nothing new there, but I'm now in the position where I am forced to take poker a little more seriously (jokes). If I lose both my acc stacks I'm out for a while so I only start playing if I'm sober or semi pissed. And I've been totally pissed from dawn til dusk recently. Thanks for the comment on last post Cadmunkey. Yes I will keep up the drinking.

Really loving Dan Harrington's book "Harrington on Hold'em". Cheers Al!!! If anyone aint read it yet, go out and get it coz its genius. (comes in two volumes and is mainly dedicated to tournament play)

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Went down my local on Friday to play in the ammateur poker league. Its basically a big freeroll, but the guys in my local take it really seriously. I was amazed how much fun a freeroll can be. This was my first big live game against people I dont know and it was wicked. I told everyone I was a rookie and didnt really know much about poker (ha ha). Cant remember how many times I heard the words "Beginner's Luck Mate!" lol. I totally destroyed these fishees even tho I had been drinking hard since 8am (7pm now). Shades and hoodie up I look like Phil Lac.

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There were 4 tables with 8 or 9 on each. I was sat next to some cool older dude who I later found out was known to be a local master (used to specilaise in 3 card Brag). Drinks (Scrumpy) got served to the table, and you can smoke too (gona be so gutted next month :-( facist government cunts). Everyone in there seemed to know each other (I know its my local but I dont do much pubbin and this was out the back anyway) and there was a really good atmosphere. People politely told me it was my turn to bet while I was chatting up the lovely barmaid, and everyone pissed themselves when I knocked my pint all over the table while I was dealing. I really was wasted but they said they do it all the time.

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Dont get me wrong, my drunkeness was a cunning deception. I was paying attention to every single thing these folks did. Apart from when the bar maid was serving me, and I lost a lot of chips coz of her. lol I was talking shit to everyone wen I had a shit hand to try and suss em out. Card dead for practically the whole tournament with only 3 good hole cards I can remember.

At the start I built my stack with some amazing bluffs, purely through talking shit to people. One hand I have J10 in late. All fold down to man on my right who raises 2xBB. I doubled it and he called. I said "oh shit I didnt think you were gonna call that" Flop Q22 rainbow. He bets half the pot. I said "Man that a week bet and I down think you're trying to trap me" He said "Wot?". I said "I mean I dont think you have the 2! How many chips you got?" I put him allin and he folded and showed A10, I laughed and mucked. lol I fucking love live games!!!

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There was a girl at the table who refused to talk any shit with me and her stack was increasing big time. She was good. Played her on the final table later. B4 that I got moved. Nine of us and I took out two of em. One with AA the other with a straight wen he couldnt fold even when he had not pot odds to call his 2 pair.

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The next guy I took out was fucking SiiiiiiK! He was a seriously big geezer and I thought he was gona knock me out when I took all his chips. He was playing real tiight on a mid stack but I had him cover 3 or 4 times over so wasnt afraid of a coin flip. He bets half his stack utg and the blinds are creaping up now. All fold to me in cutoff and the rest have nothing to scare me with. I'm sure he wouldnt play AA KK QQ like that and put him on AK AQ. I decide to see a flop with 67o hopeing to see a low flop and push him off (lol he was commited). Flop J86 rainbow. He makes a small continuation bet and I raise him allin. He calls and flips AQo as predicted. I show and say Yes Yes!" He like wot da fuck? You raise allin with bottom pair!?" Now the dealer has stopped to listen to us. lol. I said " Yeah but I knew you didnt have anything and I did so I put you allin. You called allin with a 6 outer. That makes you 4 to 1 dog in my book." lol. Jesus drunken live games could really get me into trouble. He looked like he was going to kill me, serious. He said "Hope I'll hit the fucking board man!" Turn comes a sweet 6. And he jumped up like he was gona doo me. I told him sorry for the bad beat mate and luckilly he said dont worry I do people all the time (not entirely sure wot he meant by that). Cant remember the river coz I was too busy planning an escape root.

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Made the final table but was up against the quiet girl from b4. She was wey chip leader and bullied the table magnificently. She lost a couple massive hands tho to a girl on her left who knew was she was up to. I think she knocked her out in the end. I was reaching passout point and was a bit concerned about the amount of people standing behind me (they were only watching the game tho). Got blinded down quite badly and decided to steel the blinds with a push from my lucky hand 67o (silly boy). Geeza took ages to call but with AJ (I think) It held. Me and Everyone in the room cracked up wen they saw my cards. He only just had me covered but that was me done for the night. 4th place.

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GG GG VfuckingGG

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I will be back coz there is a lot of local pride at stake and most of em play home games. Got a couple numbers. Bring on the cash!

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Put It In Cyder!!!

Er wot dont know???? Eh?

(tune of the day: Its by Sp!tt!ng V!triol. Cant remember what its called but its fucking wicked. Pic is of me in twenty years if I live dat long, except da face)

Not much play last night. Relized my Lllllovit Llloyds acc aint been frozen yet and put $77 into Crypto. Was speakin to my mate Romber and asked for a suggestion of wot game to play (I was well fucked and needed some help) His bro Nick had just won a fat mtt and I didnt even know the geezer played. So me and Nick went into the $2k gtd for $20. I got totally fucked but made an amazing fold that I am very drunkenly proud of. Cant remember the cards exactly but I flopped a set. Kinda slow played it by half betting the pot. On the river there was a possible made str8 and I bet the pot. It took me ages to think this thru but I thought dat from his actions he was chasing dat str8 and had made it. He went allin and even tho pot committed I fold. Tx to dat man coz he showed his cards and he did make da str8. Even so I was left crippled with 410 chips. My mate Nick had 900 and something but busted. Didnt see the hand.

I managed to tripple up with QQ allin pre. After that I fucking rinced da fishees. Was chip leader for a while but drunk as fuck. Made some major mistakes and went down to 4th place. Not sure wot happened after that coz I was fucking wankered. 1st place was like $850 bucks. I busted in 14th for $27.50. $7.50 profit for the night.

lol

Put It In Cyder!!!

Rant Time!!!!

(still loving UKbase radio. wkd oldskool set atm)

Ryt heres how it starts....?.....actually I forgot wot happened this morning. Anyway it invloved cyder after work and I spunked $90 on cash across BluSq and Crypto on a massive drunken tilt. That was practically my whole fucking roll. Have $3.25 left on BluSq and 500mpps on crypto which I'm using for the cpt subs atm.

Woke up feeling like asbolute shit and phoned in sick. My boss didnt fucking believe me the cunt. Unfortunately he knows I'm goin bust and the less I earn the better atm, but I cant afford a whole fucking night off when I only work 3 nights a week. I told him I have seiring gut pains and I think I have gastoenteritous coz my mate had it last week and was round my house drinking the next day. He said "Yeah wotever". Mate even if I dont have that I do have the shits and its a fucking food factory so it would be breaking the law if I showed up anyway. Then I said nah I feel really fucking bad man! And he said "so do I mate, so do I" The fucking CUNT! If he gives me any shit next week, he's gona be the one with seiring gut pain, Believe!

The last time a boss of mine said you're lieing, I can tell you are drunk. I siad fuck you, went to work and tried to bottle the fucking slag. Luckilly everyone who worked there overpowered me and unbelievably the police didnt get called. Obviously I wasnt actually ill that day, and was pissed as a cunt, but its the principle of the matter.

Where was I? Oh yeah, think I'm gona have to start playing on ultimatebet now coz they take western union money. Big shout goes out to Al for letting me know bout that. Also, bigup yaself brudda! This man is one of the safest blokes I have ever met. He's just sent me a brand new copy of Harrington On Holdem. Cheers bruv, I swear I will read it and I think I'm gona need it too.

Al lives in New York State but doesnt have a blog, so I'll post this one for u Brudda!: (lol)

He aint played online poker for over 3 months coz his yankie isp blocks any transactions to a poker account. So he deposited $100 via Western Union to some guy in the Phillipennes. Sounds dodgy right? But it worked and he sits down at $2/$4 with the whole $100. Very bad choice of stakes imo but its the sort of thing I would do, and he's used to playing at this level. His very 1st hand was KK utg. He makes it $12. Fold down to BB who calls. Flop 8910 rainbow. He's like "yeah baby I'm takin this one down". lol. BB checks, Al bets the pot. BB reraises allin with $450. Al calls (poor fucker) and matey flips over 67o. Ouch! Thats Al dun for the night. Western Union aint open at that time of day. First hand in 3 months as well. Sorry mate, I feel bad for ya!

Live blogging update: Playing a cpt sub. 2 slags are allin pre, one of em has me covered. I call with KK. They flip 106o and 102o lmfao, and held.

Jesus just busted my 77 vs K10. My fault for allin preflop.

Fuck me. Nearly forgot to mention this. Big shout out to my mate Romper who made £1000 in the last 3 weeks. Nice one mate! Bout time we had another live hu battle eh?

Put It In Cyder!!!!!

Fuck It!

No tune of the day: and this is a really quick post. I'm sooo stressed out right now. I ran out of Cyder but my m8 Law left me a bottle of Voddie which I've been drinking. Got my $44 on BluSq up to $84 then finished on $77.84. Nearly a double up playing $0.10/0.20. Totally destroyed those cunts but have run out of baccy. Waited till 6am and de guy in de newsagents wont take cards and he wouldnt give me any tick. Pissed off ryt now. I need a fucking cigarette.!!!!!
Must admit I have done well tonight. I busted $20 then busted some more. I was down to my last $11.50 which I sat with and played. Turned that into the $84 I spoke of earlier, so I cant complain really.
BOLLOCKS i'M FUCKED OFF FUCK DA LOTA YA AND GIV ME A FUCKING CIGGY FFS!!!!

4HandShandy

(tune of the day: No tune of the day coz I been away for ages so just a link to UK bass radio. They drop it 24/7. Dont know nuffing bout the bart chakar band but 2HandShandy is gona rince it 4HandJulie style AIII!)

Hope all me bloggin bridrins is doin ok. Aint been on da net for a while but did have de chance to see dat Amatay won de Britay Bloggamentalay. Well done mate!!!

As with dat I aint played no poker. Decided against playin $5/$10 with all I had to my name, and cashed out £200. I aint gona see dat shit coz I is 2 g's in da red wiv dose slags but wen I go bankrupt I fink dat will run in me favour. Dat left me with $17 in Blu and I had $15 rakeback in Crypto. De offee was gona open in 25 mins so I didnt wanna do no heavy mtt and against my religion I played some thunderstorm 6 seaters ($2 jobbies, back to earth eh?). Came 2nd,2nd,1st. and I is now on $22.50 free me efforts. (loving de uk bass radio ryt now, hope it loads up for u guys)

Had to stop playing pokes wen I ran out of backy after a hard night at work and only 1/4 pint of Cyder left. Broke into me penny jar and counted out £6 in sherapnal. I knew dey wouldnt take it at de offee so took it in a bag to cash at de bank but tried me card 1st. Bought 3 litres of de good stuff and an once of baccy, and would u adam an eve it me card cleared it. Yes Yes. So got booze and baccy now and is gona catch up wid all me bloggin bredrins now. Hope u has all bin doin ok. Especially I is checkin in on de man like Yorkie Pud who I now know was takin de piss wen he asked me if I drive a combine harvestor. lol

(post post edit. I'm goin well offf de plot now) When I went to India I went to stay with a friends familly right out in the countryside. They took me for a ride (6 of us) on a tractor across some of his Uncles maze fields which went on as far as your bloodshot eyes can see. We got out to this place miillions of miles into the middle of nowhere and its all flat; to have a smoke. You can see as far as you can see in every direction and it was all his land. He asked me in Punjabi if I could drive a tractor. My mate translerated and I told him: "Mate I grew up in da WestCountry and de first thing I learnt to drive was a tractor!" (wen I was 11) He let me drive dis antique tractor all da way back to da village (6 people clinging on for dair lives) and I hit da village. I drove it right thru dem ricketty lanes past people compacting cowpats for a living, and they couldnt believe wot they were seeing. They had never seen a white man before. When they finally did, he was driving a tractor! Put It In Cyder. SouthWestSide AIII!"!!!!!!

Hittin de tabs in a mo 2 so wish me luck.

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Forgot to mention dis! Got fucking wankered down the pub de uvva night but big world comes small. Bumped into a gezza who knows lots of me crew from London (proven fact) and he's a Lanson bey. He was tellin me bout his best mate who plays $5/$10 and lives in Lanson. Low an behold he turned up. I was chattinin all poker related shit to him and while playing pool (he beat me da slag) but he also told me a veryy valid piace of info mation. HE GETS RAKEBACK ON BLUESQUARE BOYS!!!! Maybe I'm a bit behind on the times but I didnt think that was possible. He told me the site but I was wasted and dont know wot de fuck it was. I aint dat stupid tho coz I got his email adddee and I should be getting da details later. Not dat I give a fuck coz I cant put any money back into dat site for at least a year, but I know it will help out some of me bredrins. I'll emaily it as soon as I get it.(obviously u need a knew acc to do it tho)

Another hot tip I got was from my mate in da U S of A. He aint been able to play poker coz his server shuts down even sites that accept yankie slag muffins ( no offence m8). He's found a site that he can play on by putting his money through Western Union. They give u a password for your money and you can play. I do believe I have found a way over the bankruptcy fence. Get In There!!! (or over it at least)