NOW I AM THE MASTER

Woh, its been a long time since I hit blog land. I've been away learning the true power of the Dark side. Aint even booted up me computer for weeks. Hope all me bredrins has been rincin those bitches. Will try catch up wiv u allz over the next few days. Thanks for all the comments on me last post. And cheers for the message Pud, if you still readin. I'll give you a call soon mate.

Here's what happened: Managed to get my final roll up to $80 on Crypto and BlueSq. Got pissed up one night and a mate came round and asked me if he could play on my account if he gave me the cash. Knowing full well that I cant deposit or withdraw I drunkenly agreed. Big mistake. The dude rinced out both my accounts in about 30 minutes and gave me the cash. Woke up in the morning and realized I cant play online poker anymore. This pissed me off so much I couldnt even bring myself to log on to the net. I've just spent the last two hours reading all my email.

Anyway I'm not beaten that easy. Made the final table again in the local pub tourney and have started hosting my own home games. Had four people round last week for a late night sesh. It was well little league tho. I realized I had busted all me cash on the piss the night before. When everyone came round I only had 80p to my name, so I told them tonight is an 80p rebuy. LOL Everyone fort it was a good idea, 80p buys 5000 chips, standard structure. Winner takes all. Nuff rebuys went in as well. Lost count how many times my mate Phill bought in. He was wasted and kept using his favourite fraze "I fink ur bluffin, I'm all in". Yeah ok, nice read mate, but your not knocking me off that pot when I've got everyone covered 3 times over. And, oh yeah, I was bluffing, but my J high still beats your 9 high 3 kicker. lmfao.

It was good fun and I won. Cant remeber how much exactly but it was a tidy sum for an 80p stake.

Goin bankrupt tomoro so should hopefully be back online poking soon.

Take it easy folks, GL, and

Put It In Cyder!!!! (offee opens in 7 minutes YES YES!)

Still here just

Not much to say except (Ive got a rizzla stuck too my foot and...) checkout me bredrins blog http://rompersblog.blogspot.com/ Dis geeza is well wkd at poker and is my poker Selassie! His blog aint as good lookin as me or mine but checkout what he writes. This dude fucking KNOWS how to plat poker! Emperor Selassie! Check it out. Ruspec

And Put It In Cyder!!!!

Possibly me last post for a bit!

Tune of the Month: Loveyoulongtime by the almighty Ely Muff

Dis could well be me last post for a week or 3 me bloggin bredrins. Me internet myt be getting cut off today coz the cunts wont do a quarterly bill. I told em I aint got a bank acc. no more and the stupid bitch said its ok coz I can pay by cheque. Sillly girl. Maybe they accept postal orders but I doubt it. If sky can do me a quarterly bill I'm goin wiv dem, if not I gotta open a temporary bank acc just to get online. Still not properly bankrupt yet.

One thing you'll know if you've ever had trouble with the banks is dat they leave you 10 to 15 automated messages everyday. And I just received a very disturbing automated text/voicemail in the form of a female robot voice. It said something along the lines of "Hello cunt! This is Yorkshire Pudding. I am totally off my tits!" LMFAO PUD!!!

I was totally off my bonce on Friday as well. Blew shed loads of cash and didnt actually go anywhere. lol. Get ur arse down to Cornwall Pud. We'll go on tour and mashup de place AIII.

Unfortunately 2 weeks in a row I was too hammered (without shades) to get into my local for a live game. Gutted about that one coz it was the last week ever that you can smoke a ciggy at the table. :-(

Will have to break out the nicotine patches for next week. Yeah, like fuck! I'll be waiting outside for the cunts and get em all round my place for a proppa game.

Fuck pubs dat dont let you smoke. I'll never set foot in one again!!! Fucking Slags!

Not much poker at all lately. Been getting too shit faced. Did play a bit on the fishee 15c/25c on Crypto. Made $20 then lost $40 an hour later when the Scrumpy kicked in. Sod it. Cant draw it out anyway. Gonna be doin a lot more live games now with me new found poker buds. Might have to update this blog from the library tho. We'll see.

Take it easy me bredrins and good luck on the tables.

Put It In Cyder! AIIIII

Shamone Mudda Fukkas Innit

Easy now> Cheers for all da comments on me last fossilized post folks. I is been well off da rails lately innit. Aint played poker for 2 weeks exactly. Dont really know what has been wrong with me head but I just aint been up for playing. Maybe it as something to do with da fact dat I is been on a massive Srumpy bender?

Seriously I have been well too wasted to mention. I aint even been online to read me emails or even checkout how me bloggin bredrins are doin. Hope all is well folks and you has been rincing dose bitches. Will be catching up on all ur poker expiditions over the next couple days. (wonder how Bluescouse is doing? And Kenn, Yorkshire Pud, Amatay, Cadmunkey, Burnleymik, and all da rest of u cats)

There is a small amount of truth in what Mr.Anonymous said on my last post. I had been seriously hitting the Cyder hard for over a week (at least 10 litrea a day dawn til dawn)[spelling mistake but sound a bit like Amatay innit. Shamone] Luckilly I realized dat on this crazy drunken mission of mine (to drink da local dry) I had to stay away from all things poker related including my blog, otherwise I would lose my whole roll. So on this particular day I was raeching the 15 litre mark (sick as fuck I know I need help) and I managed to get a free trial on a webcam site. A sexy one too. Full of crazy people in chat rooms all with webcams and microphones talking to each other. I've never seen anything like this in my life seriously. Man it was sick. I was reading the friendly banter that was popping up on screen and decided to click on a few names to see who was talking. OOOPS!!!! Made the mistake of clicking on dis geezer who had his cam on but u couldnt see his face. Nooooooooooooo! All u could see was him wanking his fucking cock off! So I quickly clicked on a girl who (he was probably looking at) was chatting, and she was doing all kinds of crazy shit with a massive blue dildo (I hope none of my girl friends are reading this. If you are. Remember I had drunk nearly 15 litres of 7.4% Scrumpy and please forgive me. lol)

Anyway, I couldnt find the right button to get off the girl with the big blue dildo. Then some girl asked me to put my cam and mic up. I said ok I will if u want to see my big one. She said yes please. I said ok, cammed up and showed her my big 5 litre bottle of Scrumpy and said Ave Some Of Dat!!! She was beautiful and laughed into my headfones. I could see her and hear her and she could me, so we didnt need to type anymore. Its like a free videofone. Amazing!
So while all these very open minded people are wanking and frigging themselves off, I sitting here just chatting to this georgeous American gal, and playing her some off my drum&base. Its a bit like dat dude off of Human Traffic except I never run up a £150 fone bill. Ended up talking to her for like 3 or 4 hours about life and eternity. By 3am she had managed to persuade me to give up drinking! lmfao
Next day I gave up drink cold turkey style and fuck me did I pay for it. My doctor has actually advised me not to do this but I did it anyway. DT's kicked in big time. Wont go into the details, but I could even drink water without throwing up for 24hours. Gettin wiv da sickness bigtime.
Luckilly after 3 days off da booze I was well enough to drive a truck to help me folks move house (all thanx to da girl on da net. Destiny eh?) Been helping dem move all week. Man have dey got a lot of stuff.

Anyway I is well up for some poker now and da booze is well back on, but on me normal levels. I was goin crazy for a while. Even missed last weeks live game coz I was too hammered to get into the pub. Should be on for tomoz tho I'll let u all know.
Time for some drunken internet table mashing.....

Put It In Cyder!!!!

Real Slack

(tune of the day: Gangtsa Boogie, only a cut sorry. Heard a wicked drumbase remix of "I bring in da future" will try find it for next time. Pic is the Tree of Slack)

Been really slack recently. Aint dropped a post for ages (dont know where I got that weird pic for the last one. Too much wanking makes you go blind I spose). Aint even switched on me computer for nearly a week. I would like to say this is because I have spent most of my time reading "Harrington on Hold'em" but the trooth is, I've just been getting totally wankered evry day. There's nothing new there, but I'm now in the position where I am forced to take poker a little more seriously (jokes). If I lose both my acc stacks I'm out for a while so I only start playing if I'm sober or semi pissed. And I've been totally pissed from dawn til dusk recently. Thanks for the comment on last post Cadmunkey. Yes I will keep up the drinking.

Really loving Dan Harrington's book "Harrington on Hold'em". Cheers Al!!! If anyone aint read it yet, go out and get it coz its genius. (comes in two volumes and is mainly dedicated to tournament play)

.

Went down my local on Friday to play in the ammateur poker league. Its basically a big freeroll, but the guys in my local take it really seriously. I was amazed how much fun a freeroll can be. This was my first big live game against people I dont know and it was wicked. I told everyone I was a rookie and didnt really know much about poker (ha ha). Cant remember how many times I heard the words "Beginner's Luck Mate!" lol. I totally destroyed these fishees even tho I had been drinking hard since 8am (7pm now). Shades and hoodie up I look like Phil Lac.

.

There were 4 tables with 8 or 9 on each. I was sat next to some cool older dude who I later found out was known to be a local master (used to specilaise in 3 card Brag). Drinks (Scrumpy) got served to the table, and you can smoke too (gona be so gutted next month :-( facist government cunts). Everyone in there seemed to know each other (I know its my local but I dont do much pubbin and this was out the back anyway) and there was a really good atmosphere. People politely told me it was my turn to bet while I was chatting up the lovely barmaid, and everyone pissed themselves when I knocked my pint all over the table while I was dealing. I really was wasted but they said they do it all the time.

.

Dont get me wrong, my drunkeness was a cunning deception. I was paying attention to every single thing these folks did. Apart from when the bar maid was serving me, and I lost a lot of chips coz of her. lol I was talking shit to everyone wen I had a shit hand to try and suss em out. Card dead for practically the whole tournament with only 3 good hole cards I can remember.

At the start I built my stack with some amazing bluffs, purely through talking shit to people. One hand I have J10 in late. All fold down to man on my right who raises 2xBB. I doubled it and he called. I said "oh shit I didnt think you were gonna call that" Flop Q22 rainbow. He bets half the pot. I said "Man that a week bet and I down think you're trying to trap me" He said "Wot?". I said "I mean I dont think you have the 2! How many chips you got?" I put him allin and he folded and showed A10, I laughed and mucked. lol I fucking love live games!!!

.

There was a girl at the table who refused to talk any shit with me and her stack was increasing big time. She was good. Played her on the final table later. B4 that I got moved. Nine of us and I took out two of em. One with AA the other with a straight wen he couldnt fold even when he had not pot odds to call his 2 pair.

.

The next guy I took out was fucking SiiiiiiK! He was a seriously big geezer and I thought he was gona knock me out when I took all his chips. He was playing real tiight on a mid stack but I had him cover 3 or 4 times over so wasnt afraid of a coin flip. He bets half his stack utg and the blinds are creaping up now. All fold to me in cutoff and the rest have nothing to scare me with. I'm sure he wouldnt play AA KK QQ like that and put him on AK AQ. I decide to see a flop with 67o hopeing to see a low flop and push him off (lol he was commited). Flop J86 rainbow. He makes a small continuation bet and I raise him allin. He calls and flips AQo as predicted. I show and say Yes Yes!" He like wot da fuck? You raise allin with bottom pair!?" Now the dealer has stopped to listen to us. lol. I said " Yeah but I knew you didnt have anything and I did so I put you allin. You called allin with a 6 outer. That makes you 4 to 1 dog in my book." lol. Jesus drunken live games could really get me into trouble. He looked like he was going to kill me, serious. He said "Hope I'll hit the fucking board man!" Turn comes a sweet 6. And he jumped up like he was gona doo me. I told him sorry for the bad beat mate and luckilly he said dont worry I do people all the time (not entirely sure wot he meant by that). Cant remember the river coz I was too busy planning an escape root.

.

Made the final table but was up against the quiet girl from b4. She was wey chip leader and bullied the table magnificently. She lost a couple massive hands tho to a girl on her left who knew was she was up to. I think she knocked her out in the end. I was reaching passout point and was a bit concerned about the amount of people standing behind me (they were only watching the game tho). Got blinded down quite badly and decided to steel the blinds with a push from my lucky hand 67o (silly boy). Geeza took ages to call but with AJ (I think) It held. Me and Everyone in the room cracked up wen they saw my cards. He only just had me covered but that was me done for the night. 4th place.

.

GG GG VfuckingGG

.

I will be back coz there is a lot of local pride at stake and most of em play home games. Got a couple numbers. Bring on the cash!

.

Put It In Cyder!!!

Er wot dont know???? Eh?

(tune of the day: Its by Sp!tt!ng V!triol. Cant remember what its called but its fucking wicked. Pic is of me in twenty years if I live dat long, except da face)

Not much play last night. Relized my Lllllovit Llloyds acc aint been frozen yet and put $77 into Crypto. Was speakin to my mate Romber and asked for a suggestion of wot game to play (I was well fucked and needed some help) His bro Nick had just won a fat mtt and I didnt even know the geezer played. So me and Nick went into the $2k gtd for $20. I got totally fucked but made an amazing fold that I am very drunkenly proud of. Cant remember the cards exactly but I flopped a set. Kinda slow played it by half betting the pot. On the river there was a possible made str8 and I bet the pot. It took me ages to think this thru but I thought dat from his actions he was chasing dat str8 and had made it. He went allin and even tho pot committed I fold. Tx to dat man coz he showed his cards and he did make da str8. Even so I was left crippled with 410 chips. My mate Nick had 900 and something but busted. Didnt see the hand.

I managed to tripple up with QQ allin pre. After that I fucking rinced da fishees. Was chip leader for a while but drunk as fuck. Made some major mistakes and went down to 4th place. Not sure wot happened after that coz I was fucking wankered. 1st place was like $850 bucks. I busted in 14th for $27.50. $7.50 profit for the night.

lol

Put It In Cyder!!!

Rant Time!!!!

(still loving UKbase radio. wkd oldskool set atm)

Ryt heres how it starts....?.....actually I forgot wot happened this morning. Anyway it invloved cyder after work and I spunked $90 on cash across BluSq and Crypto on a massive drunken tilt. That was practically my whole fucking roll. Have $3.25 left on BluSq and 500mpps on crypto which I'm using for the cpt subs atm.

Woke up feeling like asbolute shit and phoned in sick. My boss didnt fucking believe me the cunt. Unfortunately he knows I'm goin bust and the less I earn the better atm, but I cant afford a whole fucking night off when I only work 3 nights a week. I told him I have seiring gut pains and I think I have gastoenteritous coz my mate had it last week and was round my house drinking the next day. He said "Yeah wotever". Mate even if I dont have that I do have the shits and its a fucking food factory so it would be breaking the law if I showed up anyway. Then I said nah I feel really fucking bad man! And he said "so do I mate, so do I" The fucking CUNT! If he gives me any shit next week, he's gona be the one with seiring gut pain, Believe!

The last time a boss of mine said you're lieing, I can tell you are drunk. I siad fuck you, went to work and tried to bottle the fucking slag. Luckilly everyone who worked there overpowered me and unbelievably the police didnt get called. Obviously I wasnt actually ill that day, and was pissed as a cunt, but its the principle of the matter.

Where was I? Oh yeah, think I'm gona have to start playing on ultimatebet now coz they take western union money. Big shout goes out to Al for letting me know bout that. Also, bigup yaself brudda! This man is one of the safest blokes I have ever met. He's just sent me a brand new copy of Harrington On Holdem. Cheers bruv, I swear I will read it and I think I'm gona need it too.

Al lives in New York State but doesnt have a blog, so I'll post this one for u Brudda!: (lol)

He aint played online poker for over 3 months coz his yankie isp blocks any transactions to a poker account. So he deposited $100 via Western Union to some guy in the Phillipennes. Sounds dodgy right? But it worked and he sits down at $2/$4 with the whole $100. Very bad choice of stakes imo but its the sort of thing I would do, and he's used to playing at this level. His very 1st hand was KK utg. He makes it $12. Fold down to BB who calls. Flop 8910 rainbow. He's like "yeah baby I'm takin this one down". lol. BB checks, Al bets the pot. BB reraises allin with $450. Al calls (poor fucker) and matey flips over 67o. Ouch! Thats Al dun for the night. Western Union aint open at that time of day. First hand in 3 months as well. Sorry mate, I feel bad for ya!

Live blogging update: Playing a cpt sub. 2 slags are allin pre, one of em has me covered. I call with KK. They flip 106o and 102o lmfao, and held.

Jesus just busted my 77 vs K10. My fault for allin preflop.

Fuck me. Nearly forgot to mention this. Big shout out to my mate Romper who made £1000 in the last 3 weeks. Nice one mate! Bout time we had another live hu battle eh?

Put It In Cyder!!!!!

Fuck It!

No tune of the day: and this is a really quick post. I'm sooo stressed out right now. I ran out of Cyder but my m8 Law left me a bottle of Voddie which I've been drinking. Got my $44 on BluSq up to $84 then finished on $77.84. Nearly a double up playing $0.10/0.20. Totally destroyed those cunts but have run out of baccy. Waited till 6am and de guy in de newsagents wont take cards and he wouldnt give me any tick. Pissed off ryt now. I need a fucking cigarette.!!!!!
Must admit I have done well tonight. I busted $20 then busted some more. I was down to my last $11.50 which I sat with and played. Turned that into the $84 I spoke of earlier, so I cant complain really.
BOLLOCKS i'M FUCKED OFF FUCK DA LOTA YA AND GIV ME A FUCKING CIGGY FFS!!!!

4HandShandy

(tune of the day: No tune of the day coz I been away for ages so just a link to UK bass radio. They drop it 24/7. Dont know nuffing bout the bart chakar band but 2HandShandy is gona rince it 4HandJulie style AIII!)

Hope all me bloggin bridrins is doin ok. Aint been on da net for a while but did have de chance to see dat Amatay won de Britay Bloggamentalay. Well done mate!!!

As with dat I aint played no poker. Decided against playin $5/$10 with all I had to my name, and cashed out £200. I aint gona see dat shit coz I is 2 g's in da red wiv dose slags but wen I go bankrupt I fink dat will run in me favour. Dat left me with $17 in Blu and I had $15 rakeback in Crypto. De offee was gona open in 25 mins so I didnt wanna do no heavy mtt and against my religion I played some thunderstorm 6 seaters ($2 jobbies, back to earth eh?). Came 2nd,2nd,1st. and I is now on $22.50 free me efforts. (loving de uk bass radio ryt now, hope it loads up for u guys)

Had to stop playing pokes wen I ran out of backy after a hard night at work and only 1/4 pint of Cyder left. Broke into me penny jar and counted out £6 in sherapnal. I knew dey wouldnt take it at de offee so took it in a bag to cash at de bank but tried me card 1st. Bought 3 litres of de good stuff and an once of baccy, and would u adam an eve it me card cleared it. Yes Yes. So got booze and baccy now and is gona catch up wid all me bloggin bredrins now. Hope u has all bin doin ok. Especially I is checkin in on de man like Yorkie Pud who I now know was takin de piss wen he asked me if I drive a combine harvestor. lol

(post post edit. I'm goin well offf de plot now) When I went to India I went to stay with a friends familly right out in the countryside. They took me for a ride (6 of us) on a tractor across some of his Uncles maze fields which went on as far as your bloodshot eyes can see. We got out to this place miillions of miles into the middle of nowhere and its all flat; to have a smoke. You can see as far as you can see in every direction and it was all his land. He asked me in Punjabi if I could drive a tractor. My mate translerated and I told him: "Mate I grew up in da WestCountry and de first thing I learnt to drive was a tractor!" (wen I was 11) He let me drive dis antique tractor all da way back to da village (6 people clinging on for dair lives) and I hit da village. I drove it right thru dem ricketty lanes past people compacting cowpats for a living, and they couldnt believe wot they were seeing. They had never seen a white man before. When they finally did, he was driving a tractor! Put It In Cyder. SouthWestSide AIII!"!!!!!!

Hittin de tabs in a mo 2 so wish me luck.

• Post Post

Forgot to mention dis! Got fucking wankered down the pub de uvva night but big world comes small. Bumped into a gezza who knows lots of me crew from London (proven fact) and he's a Lanson bey. He was tellin me bout his best mate who plays $5/$10 and lives in Lanson. Low an behold he turned up. I was chattinin all poker related shit to him and while playing pool (he beat me da slag) but he also told me a veryy valid piace of info mation. HE GETS RAKEBACK ON BLUESQUARE BOYS!!!! Maybe I'm a bit behind on the times but I didnt think that was possible. He told me the site but I was wasted and dont know wot de fuck it was. I aint dat stupid tho coz I got his email adddee and I should be getting da details later. Not dat I give a fuck coz I cant put any money back into dat site for at least a year, but I know it will help out some of me bredrins. I'll emaily it as soon as I get it.(obviously u need a knew acc to do it tho)

Another hot tip I got was from my mate in da U S of A. He aint been able to play poker coz his server shuts down even sites that accept yankie slag muffins ( no offence m8). He's found a site that he can play on by putting his money through Western Union. They give u a password for your money and you can play. I do believe I have found a way over the bankruptcy fence. Get In There!!! (or over it at least)

Avit U Slags!

(tune of the day: Maybe I am insane but I cant stop lisening to "Automatic Predator" on repeat. Sorry if you're board of this tune but tuff shit anyway I'm addicted.)

Really pissed off with mtts right now. Cant seem to win a damn thing of those bitches. Been drinking since last post and went down the pub to get even more wasted with my likkle bro. Got home and played a couple multies. Busted a $5 very quickly. Cant remeber the hand. Then busted in a $15 jobbie AJ vs QJ allin on the J high flop and the slag caught a str8.

Decided to ignore the advice of my good friends who have advised me to stay away from the cash tables, and sat down at $2/$4 with $100. Unusually I sat down at the loosest table I could find and the first 3 hands I watched were totally shocking. One guy had $995 and was imo playing like a total dick. He rasied to $30 pre with 95o and caught a set on the flop. Next hand I get AK utg and make it $12. 3 callers, flop 3A5 two diamonds. I didnt want to chance someone hitting a flush and jam. This prick calls me with AJ (spades) and I take down a $225 pot. Thats a days wages in one hand!

Put It In Cider!!!!

• Post Post

Fuck me $2/$4 is sooooo siiiick! Lost $100 in about 3 hands so left the table. Sat down at another with $100 next to a dude who was on the last table, multy tabling. I had a pair of Js and caught a set on the flop. This cunt kept reraising me to the river where I check jammed and he showed AJ. Made my money back plus $25. That was another $225 pot. Running well hot atm but I is totally wankered so I'm gona call it a night b4 I lose everything. Fucking shit myself when I lost that $100 and cant believe I won it back so quickly. I think I might be getting addicted to this gambling malarky!

GL Folks!!!!

2HandShandy Strikes Back! (plus pps)

(tune of the day: Intolerence by ElyMuff. Wair are you m8?)

Asboslutely gutted! No main Teknival event this year due to too much rig confiscation at the last one. Fucking Pigs! We're not hurting anyone you slags! And they wonder why there's so much violence when they show up with pepper spray. Fucking cunts I fucking hate 'em. There's still two fat parties going on right now but I couldnt make it to either :-(

Did the sng thing but was well wasted. Won the first but busted the rest and polished off my last £20 on cash.

Had a phone call from the bank yesterday, probly trying to find out why I am so much over my limit. I told them I was Paul's lodger and Paul is on holiday for two weeks. They said they would send me a letter. So #### #### ########## ## #### ## ######. In a $10 freezout at the mo and I'm chip leader atm. Asboslutely rincing these fishees!

Will post post later.

Put It In Cyder!!!!

• Post Post

Just read Amatay's blog. V funny m8, as always. Not sure what site he's into but if you wanna find good free porn go to myfreepaysite.com you have to give them an email addee to get a password but you dont get sent no shit and there's no viruses.

Just got dealt pocket 4s three time in a row and couldn't find a set. Next hand pocket 3's and I caught a 3 on the K high flop. Some prick went allin with K4 (no 4 on the board) and I took the slag out! lol

• Post Post Post

Got fucked off playing tournies. Put $20 into a $5 rebuy. My KK got busted twice. The first one really hurt. I min raised preflop and got put allin by two slags. The first one had QJo and busted, the second slag had 34o and caught a fucking str8! ffs. Not sure if I tilted or not but had to leave when my KK ran into bullets allin preflop.

So I sat down for some cash action $0.50/$1 and lost $40. #### ### ####### #### ######## ## #### wank and stuck it in Blu. Sat down at $1/$2 and just took down a $150 pot when my 44 caught a set and the dude couldnt fold aces. Left that table and I is in another rebuy. $3 this time. Very drunk so taking it easy and listening to some gabba for a change. lol

btw busted out in 37th in the ~$10 fo. 495 runners, paid to 30. Damn shame. Didnt actually realise how close I was to the bubble. Should have played a little tighter. In 3rd place in the $3 rebuy atm. 799 runners this will be a battle. Wish me luck!

• PPPPost

Busted 106th. Getting pissed off with tourneys again. Might try ###### ##### ## ##### #####(just fo fun). If it does I'm having a good old fashioned 2HandyShandy. Fukkit I'm gonna try for a grand!

• PP
  PPPPpppPost

Solidely sick!!! Asbofukking lootley off my tits right now but manaheged to take down a $212 pot on $1/$2. Also, ######## ######## ########### ###### #### #####. Not quite ready for a wank yet coz I has got 3 litres of Cyder and plenty of poker to play. I really cant believe how much better the standard of play is at $1/$2. These cunts will fold anything! LMFAO!!!!!

• Bollocks! Might have to stop playing poker and cash my BluSq money. Got the fucking fraud squad on my ass now. FUCK!!!! Sometimes my Drunken activities really do make me want to shit myself! lol

Wind and Go Down

(tune of the day: fucked it up sorry. Had a wicked sample from Sexy Beast. I'm listening to it now so, Maybe later)

Aint played no poker yet this week but I will be taking the good advice Kenn gave me. Me and cash games are no more. I'm gonna stick to sng's. Maybe get up to the $50 buyin mark on these. Only have £10 left to put in so will start with $5 jobbies on BluSq.

Saw my dept councillor and he helped me fill out some forms. Should be bankrupt in about 4 weeks. Get In There! ha ha. Apparently my alkeehole problem will help reduce my monthly payments but my "gambling" will make him want to punish me. Unfortunately I cant lie about this coz its all in my bank statements so I'm just gonna tell him I'm really good at poker when I'm sober and wanted to make a living out of it, problem is, I'm never sober. I know he wont understand but I hope I dont get stung too bad. It's only a grand in a year afterall.

Time to hit the tables!

Put It In Cyder!!!

It's Official: I am dumber than I look!

(tune of the day: really need to chill out after a hard night at work so here's a nice little Old Skool set by DJ Flipside. If you dont have RealPlayer just exit the sign up rubbish and it should load anyway. Enjoy.)

I'm absolutely crushed at the mo. My £100 to £500 plan was complete anihilation. I'm so gutted right now I nearly didn't do this post.

First things first. A big Happy 30th Birthday shout goes out to my mate Bars! Hope you had a good one mate (not sure if you read this but I'm sure Romper can pass it on).

I missed the party last night and thats the main reason I'm so gutted right now. After rincing my £100 I had no choice but to go to work lastnight. Gutted!

#Heres what happened: Totally wasted as ever so only single tabling 25p/50p. Lost my 1st £25 real quick to a suckout and reloaded. Got that £25 up to £80 after about 2hours playing the same people for a change. I know I should have left the table then but my Drunken logic told me I needed £100 to call it a double up. Unfortunlatly I'm just coming up to the 6litre mark and something must have twisted my brain. I started telling all these cats that I was a pro and had won a WSOP braclet (lol) and the only reason I was playing these stakes was to teach a mate how to rince fishees. ffs! Anyway I got clocked str8 away for being a drunkad allin bluffer and some guy was actually cussing me for talking cod shit. So when I got cowboys I decided to cashin on my codshit with a preflop jam. Got called by A8s who caught the A on the flop and I couldnt find the K. Lost an £88 pot on that one. I chilled for a bit and started hitting out with A rag and got out kickered each time.

Now any skill that I was playing with went totally out the window coz I was looking for a quick fix. Not to be. Rinced my whole stack in about half an hour. Yes its true, I actually am dumber than I look.

So ok, it teknically wasn't actually my money that I was playing with coz the bank was stupid enough to extend my od limit, but thats not the point. I really did need to win enough money to pay for my busto. So now I'm back to skid row and couldnt afford to call in sick to go to my mates party. All night I've been cussing my self. Couldnt even get a fone call through to my mate. I'm such a looser sometimes. Feeling a bit better now coz I've got one pint of Cyder left but I've still got a lot of stuff to sort out b4 I go bust. Told myself I wouldnt be playing anymore poker and this was gona be my last post for the month, and I was gona give up drinking, but we all know that aint true. Even if they do cancel my internet connection I can still hook it up through someone else and get them to load up my poker account for me cash. You cant keep this Drunk man down!

Probly wont be playing Crypto for a while but will deff be sticking the odd fiver into BluSq.

GG GL and Put It In Cyder!!!

Get off My PC

(tune of the day: Still having trouble finding Cadmunkey's request of "Mandy" by Barry Maniloe. Did find the Bollywood version "Oh Mandip" but I couldnt upload it so you guys are stuck with. "Love u long time" On One Inch Punch records by Ely Muff. Cant get enough of this tune)

Decided to put £100 into Crypto lastnight. Still couldnt find Cadmunkey. Maybe next time eh?

Rinced £45 really quickly 4 tabling 25p/50p. I was so wasted I thought I was sober. My m8 Romper came and sat next to me on one table. I was so hammered it took me 5 mins to notice. lol. My mate Phill came round with 3 litres of Cyder and I let him play a few hands. In the time it took me to pour a pint he had already rinced £10 off one table. So I sat and watched what he was doing. He asked me if he should raise with 102o utg. Then I realized he was more wasted than me. I said he could raise when he got A8s but he got reraised then raised again. He said " I think they're bluffing I'm allin" (for £35!) I grabbed the mouse of him and told him to fook off (which inspired pic of the day). So I'm about £45 down and I went down the pub. Got board and came back for some poker. Knowing how pissed I was I booted up pokerstove to keep me occupied while not in the hand. Managed to make another tenner but cant remember any hands coz I was well twated. Acc bal is now $140. My aim is to make £500 so I can pay for bankrupcy.

Time to read some blogs and try catch up with Kenn on the WSOP sub.

Put It In Cyder!!!

UK Teknival 2006 at Davidstowe,Cornwall

For some reason this vid will only play for a limited time on my blog so get it while its hot!
Please let me know if you could or could not view it. If anyone cant get it just go to www.youtube.com and search for the above title to see what Im talking about. I would really appreciate it if someone could tell me why I am having problems putting youtube vids on me blog. Cheers
In the mean time I'll be watching all the other mental parties that are on youtube. Cant wait to get back on the scene after I go bust. Live the Dream! Its even better than wanking!!!
Put It In Cyder!!!

So Lonely With Out $$$

(tune of the night "Newskool Retaliation" by Enticer)

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Shout out to Cadmunkey for updating his blog at my request. You can pick a tune of the day if you want mate, long as I got it in my bag lol. Good to hear from you mate and glad you made a profit.

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Went round the ol'dears for a curry tonight (man it was hot) and God Bless 'Er she had a bottle of Frosty Jacks in the fridge for me. I am not worthy.

Got home and checked my Crypto acc. for a laugh and found out that I had already cashed my $20 bonus. Must have been well wasted last week to not notice that. lmao. SWEET!

Kept to my plan of double and up but made the mistake of starting on NL$25 and not NL£25 which is where I have been getting paid off lately. Jesus Christ I should have listened to Cadmunkey. Those fukkers call and raise with anything! Stuck to my guns tho anyway and waited for a monster, watching fat pots go down with 92o vs 24s vs A2o etc. and was just glad to be creaming rakeback pennies for tomoro. My plan was to sit down with half max buyin at every level so if it all went wrong I could start again. I know this is well fishy but I've noticed people dont respect your ability or cash flow if you dont have max buyin (a strategy I should only use on higher stakes coz these cunts dont give a fuck!)

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Got my stack up to $18 and should have moved up here really. This crazy mo fo kept raising up with f all and I thought I could nail him for a double up. QQ on a J high flop and I reraise him allin on his $1.25 bet into a $3 pot. He calls with Ax and hits on the river. SLAG!

Next half buyin was even worse and got dicked by some serious bad luck. Oh well thats low stakes I guess. I would have been better off doing the lot in a slot machine. My odds on a win were a lot higher.

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Totally skint now and my bank acc. is still frozen so no more play till 2moz. Its well shit being a night worker when its 1am, all my mates who are usually around through the early hours have pulled birds for the night, and I aint got no more money for poker. I need me a biatch!

Put my poker skills (lol) to work in a different way today. I'm about £450 over my od limit with my bank and they froze my acc. and have been trying to call me to give me abuse:

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Dealing Cards: Bank raises 3 calls on my mobile and I fold each time. Bank raises a call on my landline (dont know how they found that), and I raise (answer). Bank must be holding something big coz he puts in a closeout bet of "You are massively overdrawn and you must pay by tomoro". Now I'm sitting with pocket KKs and decide to slow play call with "Really, I knew there was a problem with my wages last week but..."

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Flop comes xxx. Bank makes it "If you dont pay us by tomoro its out of our hands" Now I know he's got bullets but I reraise with "Thats bang out of order you guys made the mistake with my rent money in the first place" He calls "I'll have to consult my line manager please wait a moment.

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Turn x. He checks with "I'm very sorry sir it does seem we were not supposed to have charged you" I check with "Hmmm".

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River x. He makes it "But you are still over you limit even without our mistake". I reraise with "It was your fault and my wages will cover it (like fuck) later in the week" He rereaises with "Your wages wont cover it and your acc. will remain frozen until we repay our mistake(fukkin slag! that means I cant even get my wages)" I reraise allin with "I will be using my card to get my wages otherwise I will contact the banking ombotsmon to file an official complaint!". He thinks for ages (talking to his boss) and folds with "Ok sorry sir we have extended your od facilatay to accomodate" Get In There! Bluffed a £450 pot! Little did he know I would have cheated anyway with Aces up my sleve "Bankrupcy". I'll save them for next weeks game. LOL

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Put It In Cyder!!!

Impending Doom

(tune of the day fittingly titled "Impending Doom", nice likkle triphead rockka!)

Been away from da net so aint checked up on nobody yet. Hope you folks is all bin doin natty AIII!

Totally and utterly broke atm. My debt advisor still aint sent my bankrupcy application but hoping to hear from him today. Schemin on a little plan to get another bottle of Cyder but my 1ltre will have to do for now. Havent tried rincin with neteller coz I'm hoping another rent cheque will go through b4 I go totally busto. Should be getting my wages in cheque form next week so I've invested in a magic ink remover and my weeks wages should be quite close to the £250K mark. lol.

Just had an amazing email which inspired me to write this post really. Interpoker are now doin twice monthly rakeback payments. Sweet Mother of Marey!!! This means that I get my rakeback tomorow YES YES!!! I was only 2 points away from collecting my reload bonus when I busted and wasn't sure if I would ever see it. The DrunkenMonk is back baby!!!

Put It In Cyder!!!

• Post Post

Jesus Christ its 12pm already. I promised a mate I would wake him up round his house at 8am which I did, so he didnt miss his probation. He said he'd be round my house with a bottle of Cyder at 11am. He's half an hour late ffs and I've only got a few sips left. I am about to eneter HELL!!!

Tagged (I wondered what that meant)

( tune of the day is a funky break by Ronin called War on Error. Pic is of me when I looked in the mirror on acid. lol)

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Right so I've been "tagged" by Burnley Mik. Cheers mate. I wandered what that was coz a mate of mine e-tagged me ages ago. I thought it was a phising scam and deleted it twice. Havent heard from her since. Hope she still likes me. lol

So as I see it, I gotta think of 7 things that most people dont know about me. Thats gonna be tough coz as most of you know I am a long term cronic alcoholic and have forgotten most of the intersting information I once had. Ok here goes:

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1. I am a long term alcoholic. And lovin it! lol

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2. Went to Uni in London back in the late 90's. Shared a house with some fellow student folk. Came home one sunny afternoon drunk as ever and a mate had lent me some filth on video. As most red blooded young students do, I wacked it in the tape player, pressed play, and took off my most of clothes for a quick one off the wrist (hate those stains). It was a really hot day so I went to open the window. Unfortunately I had sash windows and the cord broke. The window slammed down hard trapping my finger inside. I let out a cry of pain unwittingly alerting my fellow house mates to my predick-ament. This is also when I reallised I had left my 750 watt surround sound system at full volume from a party the night before. The porn kicked in full pen at full volume (aparently you could hear it from the end of the street). All the girls from upstairs came rushing into my room to see wtf was goin on! They found me stuck to the window in my boxer shorts watching some of the roughest filth they have ever seen. Jesus, still havent lived that one down.

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3. Used to work as a delivery driver in London. A mate known as Dangerous Kidneys showed up around midnight with some booze. It was Wednesday and I explained I had to work in the morning but he werent havin it so I had a couple pints with him. Its like 2am and I told him this was my last pint and he agreed while pooring it. I'm sitting there drinking and these two cunts (him and Diggy) are sitting there pissing themselves laughing like girls! I cant make any sense of it and decide to drink up and go to bed. As I'm downing the pint I notice there's a picture of Rupert the Bear at the bottom. U SLAAAGS!!!! I hadnt done drugs in years and now these cunts had put me on an acid trip right before I had to go to work. I was not happy! After the minor punch up, I decided whether or not I was gonna drive a 7.5 ton truck around mental London for 10 hours. Wont tell you what I did but I did have a really wicked day.

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4. Went to a squat party entitled "Porn and Gabba". This flyer had a picture of a man pissing into a glass with a woman about to drink it. Being sure I would pickup a nice lass at this party I went along. It was in an old abandoned cinema in Hackney and they had manged to rig up the main screen. And no shit they were playing filth all night while blasting out gabba. Siiik! I knew this guy who just cant stop talking, and he sat down on the main stage to yabba sht at some poor gal. We're all shouting at him to get off the stage and this just drove him on to talk more. Some people were actually throwing up now. He didn't realize that he was sitting in front of the projector, and all we could see were cocks going into his mouth. lol

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5. Thats it from me else peeps are gonna stop reading my blog.

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Poker: last played on Friday but was too gutted to post so can now only remeber one or two hands, sry (the first I played). NL£25 sat down with £25. Dealt AA on the button. utg makes it £4, mid makes it £10, so I jam. Both call to show QQ and KK and you guessed it. The slag hit a K on the turn and I couldnt beat it. Ended up busting £75 very quickly with some bad moves and luckilly a mate showed up with a bottle of Cyder.

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I decided to let him take the rains on some lower stakes. He actually offered me cash to play but he's more of a rookie than me and I didnt want to see him loose his money, so bankrolled him as long as I had final shout on the allins. This was kool coz I got to sit back and down cider while he 4 tabled 15c/25c. It was really good fun to watch coz he's picked up poker pritty quick. He made a tidy little some on all tables but then he/we learned how to go on double bubble tilt. He wanted to bet $4 into a $10 pot when we flopped top str8. There were two soots there and I told him to go allin. Got called by flush draw who connected on the river for a $60 pot.

It was almost funny to see the look on my mates face. Even tho it wasnt his money he looked sooo crushed. I werent having this shit so I was like "raise up on every table!" And he kept asking "should I go allin?" We played for about 3 hours (amazingly) but man were we hammered by the end. Cant remember what hands we busted out on but I managed to blow my entire $244 roll. Ouch! My mate put his head in his hands and I think I could hear him sobbing. I had to laugh. Its only money and I'm actually only £10 down for the week so sod it. Good fun at the tables! Plus I think my bank is still giving me unlimited roll (maybe they think neteller is a petrol station) so might have to wack in a wod before they find out about my imminent bankrupcy. lol

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Put It In Cider!!!

She Showed Me Her Ass And I Smacked It!

(I am so fucking wasted right now its unreal. Tune of the day is a well trippy numba by Ronin from the HedFuk crew. Wkd tune imo.)

Poker: Right this shit is fucked up. I've been on a bad one all day about how messed up my financial situation is so I been hitting the booze pritty hard. Got a phone call from the almighty leg end named Yorkshire Pudding. He explained the ins and outs of bankrupcy and helped me a lot. He's a really safe bloke too, thanks Pud, U R A Star!

After that I went back to Crypto and I still had $28 left. I put $10 on two tables each and manged to rince the lot. Went to BluSq and had $6.55 there. Rinced that in about 5 minutes. So now I have nothing at all. Decided to try and put £10 into Netteler and it worked so I put $20 into Crypto. Hahahahhahaha This is really fucking sick!

Multi tabled 15c/25c for a bit on 3 tables and trippled up on all 3. Took the advice that Kenn gave me (thanks mate!!!) and left all the tables and started again with just $10 on one 10 seater. Kenn you are a fucking ledgend mate! I was well well wasted by this time, its like 2am. And I'm only single tabling. I manage to turn $10 into $102 on a single table in an hour. Then I start thinking about what Cadmunky said. He reckons Crypto is really bad for suckouts at the lower levels, and I'm thinking fuckit I'll move up to the levels he plays on. (really wasted atm).

So I sit down for a single table sesh on 25p/50p. I've always been terrible at table selection and DrunkenMonk sat down at a table with £10 on a ten seater vs £80, £95, £60, £75, and £185. I made a few quid with some solid poker but Jesus Christ this was siiiick! The girl with £185 raises my J10s to £2 utg. I'm in late pos and there's no way I can refuse a bet like that. She obviously aint got a very strong hand coz there's no way you would play it like that utg on a stack like that. And I reckon she must have been bullying these boys for a while before I got here. All fold down to me and I make it £8 to go. (this is really sick) She flat calls and flop comes 5810 rainbow. I'm actually quite worried now coz I never put her on a good hand but she could have easilly hit something here. (maybe trip 5s). She puts £5 in and I aint cuntin around so make it £10 to see what shes holdin. She flat calls me and turn is a J. She bets £5 and I insta-jam. River is a Monk rag and she flips over A10. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! £50 pot to me! I cuntinue to rince this bitches stack(she left with 11 quid lol) and all the other cunts on the table and now have a wopping $244 in my Crypto acc. I started with $20 ffs. Get In There!!!

Put It In Cyder!!!

• Post Post

Hang on a minute. How fucking shit faced am I now and was I then? Totally and utterly! One for the DrunkenMonk I belive.

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Its 8am now and I am still knocking back the Cyder. Went to Crypto to see if this really was true, and Yes! I turned $20 into $244.42 in the space of 2 hours. Nice!!! The DrunkenMonk staggers on!!!!! Probably going to have one off the wrist now.

BOOM!

(tune of the day is a right messed up likkle number by Ely Muff called "Incest Is Best". He must have WestCuntry roots. lol. Great sister skull fuck samples. AVVIT! in your eye! Picture was taken by someone watching me play poker last night)

Dont know why I'm bothering to post this really coz I cant remember a single thing about last night. Passed out round a mates house and woke up around 11pm. Had another 3litres at home in the fridge so went back to play some poker. Decided to fuck the bank off and put £50 into Crypto. Got up to $185 multi tabling cash. Jesus that shit is good fun. Unfortunately I think they clocked me as a drunk on every table and I busted all bar $16. Bugger!

Just run out of Cyder so will be trying to screw another bottle off my card in a mo. I really wish whores took switch! Right back on the tables in a bit!

Nuff ruspec to Yorkshire Pudding for helping me out with my debt problems. Cheers Brudda!

~Put It In Cider!!!!